Today is my daughters birthday. She had to work at 5am and left before 4am. I have been running ragged the last few days trying to get Christmas, birthday stuff wrapped and done.
The dog died almost two weeks ago and the vet called yesterday to tell me his ashes are there.
The power was out last week for two days and I lost all the food in the fridge, which cost a small fortune to replace.
I have been so damn tired lately trying to find some Christmas spirit and my daughter is still grieving. She wanted no cake as she normally took a photo with Jeeves by her side as she blew out the candles. I barely have any bulbs on my tree, when normally I've have elaborate hand made ornaments. My theme was Grinch for last year, and I couldn't find any of the ornaments.
I got up at 5:30 am to make a roast, potatoes, carrots which is one of her all time favorites so we could have a special family dinner all together. I have 3 of my 5 adult kids at home and one bonus which is her boyfriend. I was at the store when it opened to get balloons, and got roses and put them in a vase. I took it all to her work and she was delighted. I then went shopping for additional potatoes and goodies at Costco.
Now comes the death knoll for me. Her other brother calls and informs me that their dad wants to have dinner with them at 2:30. I opted out as lately he's been hostile toward me, especially after he forced me to hire his new girlfriend. She's a former meth dealer that went to prison and is on probation for 3 more years. She's a real winner. I can't stand her and want nothing to do with her. I never want to meet or talk to her. She's the 3rd woman he has forced me to hire in two years that he's dated. Now all my plans to have a special birthday with my daughter are ruined. We normally watch the 1960's Grinch and Rudolf together.
My daughter tells me that he told her if I go he will leave his gf at home, but if I don't go then he's bringing her. I'd already opted out due to his hostility toward me in general. My daughter said it was a free dinner and they'd eat the roast later for "dinner" with me. They aren't going to want to eat till probably after 6:30 or later, and I had planed the food to be done around 3:30 as she went to work so early.
Now I'm angry, I'm hurt and I'm in a nose dive. My ex's gf isn't family, she's just the newest one he's hooked up with. I'm family. It's MY DAUGHTER not hers. Why is she even there? He and his gf are having dinner with my daughter and his gf made the reservation for lunch, and didn't invite one of her brothers. He would think not being invited was intentional. My daughter makes a call and he's invited, and is none the wiser.
I feel so alone right now. I have to wait to eat with them later after they come back so that some bimbo can have lunch with the child I gave birth to. This isn't right, it's not supposed to feel like this. I can't describe what I'm feeling, but I can't stop crying, and I don't want to do this anymore. I give up. I can't make this feeling go away.
How can he pop in at the last minute and act like he gives a damn? The world stops to accommodate him and I'm left in the cold. I feel like going to bed and not bothering to eat with them when they come back. This has ruined my day and I don't feel much like trying to make it special anymore.
