SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I made it through the holidays, but it was rough. I made it through sitting our two daughters down and telling them we are getting separated with the goal of being divorced. I made it through being off for two weeks in the same house as my WS. And now I've almost made it through a full week back at work.
But I'm still so sad. I just want to not feel like crying all the time. I did start texting the guy I was tentatively seeing over the summer again when we were separated this summer. Hoping that would maybe give me some joy or at least a distraction.
I also go to therapy every two weeks and I journal, and I reach out to fiends. What else should I do? I just hate crying all the dame time.

Getting into a relationship or seeing someone new right now is putting a bandaid on your pain. It is a distraction, but is it fair to the other person if they aren't fully aware of your situation?

Allow yourself to heal, and feel the emotions and go through the process or it will cause you more issues in the long run. We all want to suppress the pain, anger, and disappointment, but it's a necessary evil in this horrible experience.

Day to day, congratulate yourself on small wins. Holding yourself together takes effort, especially when your life is falling apart and you're coping with a ton of things you never asked for.

Therapy, staying busy, and getting some excercise are all helpful, but in no way do they completely drown out what you're experiencing. It's a daily process. Some days you will be fine, some days you'll feel like you're at the edge of a hypothetical cliff with your toes over the edge wondering why it's all happening.

Every feeling is valid, and the evil TIME is what changes it all. One day, one minute no matter how small will push you in the direction you need to go. None of it is pleasant, but it's part of the process. There's no wrong or right way to get there.

Some get there quickly, others take longer, years or a lifetime. The important part is remember none of this is a reflection of your self worth, or lovability. Don't internalize pain and the death of our dreams, and happily ever after is a bitter pill to swallow.

Everyone here has experienced some part of what you are feeling, directly or indirectly the stories are familiar, the details vary, but you can find inspiration that most heal in time, and many end up happier in time.

Hang in there. Know you're with those that understand, and dry your tears. You are stronger than you think, and we're here to talk to when you need.

((Hugs)))

Double post by accident.

[This message edited by Muggle at 6:48 PM, Thursday, January 8th]

Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot to hear them.

The guy I’m talking to is going through the same situation as me so mostly we are just friends who understand what’s going on for each other. It’s just nice to have someone in the "real world" to talk to about all this.

Having someone to talk to who has gone through the same trauma is awesome in my opinion. Until someone has been blindsided by an affair they just don't know what it feels like. People can empathize to a degree but they'll never understand and hopefully they never have to

As long as you and him understand that both are trying to navigate this minefield of emotions and damage that an affair causes I think it's great that you have someone to talk to who can truly understand

In time you will slowly start to become happy again. Ending a relationship that you thought would last until the end of time is incredibly hard and it's understandable for you to be sad for a long time

Just a bit of observation based on my 'sandwich.'

She "kicked me out" - I was OK with that as I could see no future together. To much damage to try and - whatever -

So I decided for myself my "picker" needed major work and I wasn't going to mess with any of the opposite sex till I figured out how I got myself into the mess I was kicked out of. (Thankfully as it turned out!)

I suggest you hold off on starting any friendships other than mutual interest - like Tennis, Ice Hocky, Crocheting or ?

I spent several months making furniture and just hanging out with the guys. Still, had to work on my picker for several more years.

you posted some time ago:

I’m starting to think I need him to leave for good or I’m never going to get better. What do I do?

Well? How about: Plot you path through life sans your no-integrity spouse.

I know it’s miserable but the crying and feeling these things will be the thing that heals you.

Slowly start building a hobby- it’s a great way to reconnect with yourself. It promotes our flow state, provides dopamine, allows us to focus on something enriching. It took me a while of trying different things - I started running for a long while, I joined a hiking club, I took a pottery class, currently I have spent a lot of my time learning to garden. Spend some time outdoors, try going for a walk for 10-15 minutes a day. Do nice things for yourself each day. Make a special meal, take a long bath, any self care you can think of do it.

The ending of a marriage is sad, it would be weird if you weren’t sad. But this clearing out of what is keeping you unhappy is going to make space to fill it with things that make you happy. It’s a time of self discovery and learning who you are and who you are becoming. It will be a beautiful new chapter, but closing this one lends itself to grief. It will get better.