Me after ruminating on the "jealous" part: "You have no idea what jealous is and I only get to talk about it in whispers or with my IC" (neither our kids or anyone else no about her A).
Can you elaborate on this further? Has she accused you of being jealous after her infidelity?
I was always taught that the best way to communicate with your spouse is to make "I" statements, rather than to go on the offensive against them with "you" statements. I was also taught to gently communicate what it is I want from my spouse by saying things like "It makes me happy when you do this…" or thanking him when he does something I like. It seems to me that she said "I feel this way," and "I like it when this happens." As opposed to something like "You’re making me jealous. You didn’t/never take me to get drinks with you."
On the surface, it seems like a normal thing to say and a healthy way to communicate, and maybe a bid to spend more time with you. It’s not unreasonable, however, if you’re triggered by the word "jealous" given the infidelity situation at hand, especially if there is more context behind it that I’m missing. Hence my asking for elaboration.
She will likely be confused by your reaction, but hopefully she seeks to understand it, work through it with you, and is apologetic. That is what works for me and my BH to bring us closer together when I don’t understand his reactions to certain things. Being hurt and defensive put distance between us.
You should always be given space for your feelings.
