SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So stbx has informed me that he's joining dating sites (we haven't even finished filing the divorce paperwork *lolsob*), and he's taken me off location tracking. Which, fine, whatever, it's his life now, and our kid is still able to track his location.

My question is regarding our "family nights" - typically once a week, I drive over to the house and we do dinner and a movie/tv show together with our kid. This was something that stbx proposed in order to show our kid that we're comfortable around each other, and I agreed that it was a good idea. I want to remain friendly around him for our kid's sake, and this gives us the opportunity to talk through financial and other practical stuff, too.

Going forward, though, if he's going to be dating, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of family nights. It just seems weird and likely triggering for me to have to spend time in our former home while knowing he's been with other women. I'm thinking of telling him that I can't continue to do family nights while he's dating. Is this a reasonable boundary for me to draw? Or should I work on myself to keep doing family nights (for all the reasons it was a good idea in the first place)?

I’m not a parent, so take that into consideration.
But you are NOT a family anymore. So it’s disingenuous to have family night and probably a little confusing for your kid. What happens when he brings some new person over? I mean, it has to end at some point… so now might be a good time.
You can still be civil or polite but you don’t have to be besties.

For clarity, the kid is 16yo, so there's no confusion about our status. This is mainly to show her that her dad and I are on friendly terms. I've asked him to tell her about his dating plans soon, and I've requested that he not bring anyone over on the nights she's with him, which he's agreed to (for now *bitter laugh*).

I don't think I could do weekly family nights with a spouse I divorced for infidelity, period. You can still demonstrate comfort and civility in front of your daughter without committing to weekly "date nights" with your ex. It just seems to me that it could be kind of triggering and unnecessary.

No judgement or anything. I can only speak for myself and how I'd feel about it. Besides, one way or another he would have started dating again eventually, so you'd have been presented with that dilemma somewhere down the road.

Also, if he does end up with a girlfriend is she going to be kosher with him spending an evening away from her every week with his ex wife?

Doing the family nights might not be a bad idea.

Think of stbx as a brother. Then nothing you’re worried about would matter.

Best wishes.