SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey everyone. Last time I posted I asked your opinion on whether or not I actually had an EA. I had a lot of anxiety about another "d-day" in which BH realized I didn't feel guilty of having an affair because I had no feelings for my AP. Well, that day came. And it was a HUGE turning point for us. I told him that I believed it was possible to disagree on the definition of EA and still respect each other's definitions. I can apologize and ask forgiveness for specific betrayals and violating his definition of EA (though we never discussed this before, so I didn't know at the time that what I did fell into his realm of EA) and still hold my truth that I'm innocent of infidelity.
I wrote a journal for him saying sorry and asking forgiveness of various things. I realized as I wrote that journal that the reason we disagreed was the classic "men are more offended by sexual betrayals and women are more offended by emotional betrayals." His definition of EA involved the possibility that the AP was sexualizing our discussions and that secrecy was involved in our relationship. My definition of EA relied on if romantic feelings develop. I also disclosed in this journal that the secrecy was not because I felt as though I was leading a double life, it was because those topics were proven to be unsafe with my husband and I had a burning desire to discuss them (I had tried talking to him about these things in the past and felt shamed for bringing them up). Also remember, I never hid my phone from him.
So long story short, we have moved past the "affair." But currently healing broken foundations. Still lots of reading, therapies, emotional healing time together, but as my therapist said today, we are past the stage of needing stabilization and have now moved on to Connection. And it feels very promising, but fragile.