SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I posted. I am doing reasonably well after a meltdown around the anniversary of DD and our wedding anniversary I seem to have confronted a lot of the pain I was no doubt suppressing, accepted the full truth of what happened without trying to rationalise or minimise, and accepted that healing is going to be a long, non linear process but that life and joy can be found even whilst living with pain.

My fears and anxiety have moved from dwelling on the past to the future. I am mainly concerned that despite wanting to reconcile and seeing true remorse and change in my husband, my complex history of trauma may mean my body does not comply with what my mind wants.

I have a complex history of trauma starting from childhood and the one good thing to come out of the discovery of my husband's historic infidelity has been the ability to address a lifetime of trauma in therapy (low self worth, dissociation, denial etc stopped me from accessing therapy before now).
Whilst I have processed so much of this and feel I have addressed my past my body states otherwise! I'm am dealing with a lot of insomnia, broken sleep and vivid disturbing dreams focused on caring for babies (my husband cheated whilst I was pregnant and in the first 18 months of my youngest's life) but they also nearly always feature my FOO. I am also going through menopause and suffering terrible night sweats and allergies despite HRT so it's difficult to differentiate between trauma responses and menopause.

My worry is that no matter what I do, my body will never feel truly safe around my husband. He has the same worry too. We have decided that if I don't start to heal in my body within the next 18 months (which we see my youngest through school) we will separate but the thought is so distressing for us both as there is so much love between us (we grew closer, and closer over the years since the infidelity and were probably closer than ever on DD).

So, my question is, am I a suitable candidate for reconciliation or will my history of trauma mean I will be in a perpetual state of fight or flight if I remain in this marriage? Has anyone with a history of trauma successfully reconciled to the point they feel at peace and safe in their marriage and their body?