I am extremely angry, and right now I am focused on gathering as much evidence as possible. What I cannot get past is how long this has been happening. Every time I questioned her behavior or asked about something that felt suspicious, she would respond in ways meant to hurt me. She withdrew all affection and justified it by saying she could not be happy with me because I was "too jealous." She told the kids, her family, and even my own family that I was crazy, jealous, and clingy.
Finding out that she was actively and successfully trying to meet men through her job makes me feel foolish for trusting her. I spent years asking her simply to stop being hateful and cruel toward me. Now I can clearly see it was a pattern. There were times when I did everything I could to keep peace — tolerating disrespect, accepting criticism, and blaming myself — believing she was reacting that way because she thought I was wrongly accusing her. In reality, she was lying while continuing to treat me badly.
Even when I walked on eggshells and begged for affection or connection, she would deliberately create conflict so she would not have to speak to me or be intimate with me. This became routine. While I was trying to repair the relationship, she was involved with other people. I am now trying to determine exactly who they are, and I believe I am close to confirming that information.
At this point, I believe I already have enough evidence to jeopardize her employment. What hurts most is realizing how many years I spent waiting alone, hoping she would return to the person I once knew or simply treat me with basic kindness. Every attempt I made only seemed to make her more hostile. I supported her throughout our entire life together, including helping her through school and planning our future around raising our children and improving our financial stability. After all of that, this is what she chose to do.
From my perspective, responsibility for these actions rests entirely with her. If she chose to risk her career, education, and the promises she made to me and our children, then the consequences belong to her as well. I am no longer in the stage of sadness. I have lived in this situation for years, and I no longer want to continue the relationship. After seeing how she communicated with others and where her priorities truly were, I cannot look at her the same way.
What stands out most is that her focus was not on her children, her career, or the responsibilities expected of a parent of four. Instead, her attention was directed toward other men, social attention, and personal interests that ignored the realities of family and shared responsibility. From where I stand, her decisions reflected concern primarily for herself and whoever gave her attention at the time.
