New to this site . Just found out on Thursday morning my wife has had an affair. A little back story, she has been in therepy for a while and has been going through changes trying to find herself. Hair cut , different clothes , hanging out with her girlfriends. She is still in a very numbed out spot of depression I believe. Anyway , about 2 years ago she had met a co worker friend who she enjoyed talking too. As time passed , something just didn't feel proper about anything. They would talk on snap chat and we're into gaming and such together. They went to the same gym and work in the same place but different departments . They could both be fired if anyone found out about the A . I told her my worried and concerns and how I felt and she naturally blew me off like it didn't matter. Just a friend , nothing to worry about. I dropped my guard as I trusted her . Stuff kept feeling worse and worse. Anyway , I can talk for days on this and That. Thursday morning my daughter made a comment about , mom sent herself messages from my phone , my wife was asleep so I asked to see them. Basically it was photos of Snapchat with her AP, this same guy. Basically saying he wants it to be over and he is testing her to make sure she respects his boundries. The guy is a total POS . Anyway , first message I read is him saying " a married women having sex with someone in the gym showers or in her truck behind the gym , I don't know if that's adrenaline or what I don't understand. So right there I know she has been sexually active. I called her on this and initially she denied it but once I told her I have proof , she admitted it. According to her it was over a span of 3 months and happened 5 to 7 times which shouldn't matter anyway .
Now let me be perfectly clear , our marriage was not in a good spot and I'll be the first to admit most of our marriage I was a total POS to her. She put up with too much. I will admit I've abused her mentally , emotionally and verbally. I've made her feel unsafe in her home but she never left. I have been working the last year to correct myself and become a better person , husband and father. I'm in therepy and am currently 15 months completey sober. I felt I was making great progress but this has taken the wind out of me. I want to reconcile and try and fix things as we have children and a general good life. She made it clear she knows she can't afford to be on her own . Part of me thinks I deserve this for how I've treated her and I will say we both have admitted we have brought huge problems to this marriage. We both have our faults. I have made it clear to her I am a firm believer in 2nd chances but there won't be a 3rd . She has given me so many chances , I feel like I probley should figure out how to forgive.
I told her to cut off contact immediately and because right now she can't find another job , do not have any contact unless work related. She agreed and says she has not contacted him at all. When she blocked him, I guess he called her and was remorseful now knowing I know. Saying they shouldn't have gotten so close , shouldn't have added each other to snap. Etc etc
Right now I have mental photos and video . It's killing me. She has answered a few questions very willingly and a few she seems confused and says I don't know the true reason. Being how cold , numb and depressed she has been , without peace and safety in her own home , this doesn't surprise me .
Guess I just wanted to vent. Right now I know I'd like to reconcile but have little idea of that's possible. Right now I'm just numb , still in shock and don't know how to process or continue. I want to scream and cry but I'm locked up like a safe. I don't know what to do
Thank you all for listening.
