SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So a bit less than 2 months ago, stbx-WS told me he started dating someone. He is still seeing this woman, and I recently learned (via a mutual friend) that she doesn't speak English, and they've been mostly communicating via translation apps (also she is only a few years younger than me and has a 12yo kid). I have no idea how the language thing works when they meet in person, but that's not what this post is about.

I can't fathom what he's thinking in dating this person or how she will fit into his general lifestyle, friends, family, etc., but this is more evidence that his impulsiveness hasn't changed at all. I remember asking him about his LTA and what his plan was with his AP, and he said he had no plan. He didn't consider the future then, and he clearly isn't considering it now.

It's amazing to me how he could sit there last year claiming that he has changed so much, he has done all this therapy, he's not the same guy he was during the affair, blah blah blah - all trying to convince me not to leave him. And here he is behaving exactly the same as before, dating a woman who doesn't fit in his life in any way.

Luckily the only money he still owes me is from his retirement account (we're waiting on the signed court order to make that transfer), so I feel financially protected from whatever this other woman is after in dating him.

The whole thing is so bizarre - like, who is this man, and how was I ever married to him??

Whoever this woman is, she must have ulterior motives.

You say he hasn’t changed.

Was he always this stupid?

Was he always the stupidest man ever?

Hard not to feel sorry for him.

Best wishes.

No, he hasn't always been this stupid. He's generally intelligent, and he's a business executive, so he can think. He's had issues with self-indulgence, and I was a mitigating force in his life, but he was never stupid about it until his affairs. His behavior with both APs was that of a person who wasn't planning ahead and who was following his emotional impulses rather than using his head.

That affair-type impulsive behavior is something he claimed he'd worked on and corrected, but I feel like the dating thing shows that he hasn't corrected it.

He's perfectly capable of reasoning in other spheres of his life. Heck, when were figuring out the separation of our finances, he went deep into spreadsheets and all kinds of fiddly details about taxes and such, all of which made sense.

As for ulterior motives, who knows. Maybe she does, or maybe she's as thoughtless as he is in these matters.

I can't feel sorry for him, though. He's had over 3 years to absorb all the lessons of attempted R, group and individual therapy, ADHD meds, and supposedly a lot of self-reflection. If he hasn't learned anything from all that, then that's his fault.