Context: I'm M (30), my partner F (31), we've been together for almost 12 years and married for almost 3. About a year ago, things became quite monotonous, specifically in our intimacy. I love her, I provide, she's attentive to my needs, and many other things, but there's this detail: 2 months ago I met another woman, we started talking, and things escalated to infidelity (previously I had many opportunities with different people, but I never crossed the line into physical intimacy). We had two sexual encounters, we both enjoyed it, I felt desired as a man, I was able to be honest about everything sexual I wanted to try and AP reacted the same way, the adrenaline was something hadn't felt in years and we agreed to continue seeing each other, but the opportunity never arose. Throughout all of this I felt guilty, but the impulse won. AP contacted me from the beginning, and we presented everything as something casual, although there are two details in each encounter that left me thinking a lot. The first time, she told me she wanted me to do it without protection, which I completely refused, something that was spontaneous on her part. The second time, after we were intimate, she asked me a question: "Don't you think the guilt will be too great afterward?" which instantly made me feel
bad.
Three weeks ago, it came to light, by my mistake cause i have plans of continue this affair and I had a discussion with my partner. We agreed to continue the relationship and improve things, which is happening, even sexually. I've felt things I haven't experienced in years with my partner. But even with everything improving and real changes in our intimacy, I can't stop thinking about having another sexual experience with this same person since i felt she left the door open because of our last conversation. I'm seeing a psychologist, trying to rationalize and be logical in my thoughts, and I'm trying to focus on my own things, my work, new activities, but the thought of writing to her again and having something physical again won't go away. It keeps coming back. I have it many times during the day with stronger impulses to contact her again.
What should I do? Should I give in to the impulse with the idea of "one last time"? I'm aware of all the personal and relationship consequences that doing it again would entail, and yet I can't get rid of the thought and the desire to do it.
Please help.
