I feel my BS and I are stuck.
I know it's still very early days for us, but I feel we have entered a loop now.
DDay 1 was Oct 25 and DDay 2 was last April.
My BS tells me he is tired of feeling this pain. He doesn't want to be in this emotional hell anymore. Which I understand, I see how hard it is for him. For the first time, he keeps mentioning separation. If we separated/divorced, he wouldn't have to worry about trust, trauma, being a BS etc, anymore. And I get that. I don't want that, but I get it. He knows I wouldn't fight him or make things hard. But I also know he may not be done with giving us another shot (yet).
I try hard every day, I am in IC, I am transparent, I have done and still do extensive reading(including Linda Macdonald and Brene Brown), I am not triggered by his negative feelings anymore. I barely use my phone, I avoid triggers (as much as I can), I check on him. And he acknowledges that (he said he'd be already gone otherwise). But his tiredness is still there, and he wants to wake up and feel normal (just to clarify, I am not expecting him to feel better straight-away, he wants that)
Has anyone (WS or BS) experienced this? What helped?
Talking doesn't help anymore. He says he wants normality, not keep talking about it. I feel like we both want to heal and we manage to have good days, but it's always like we are "managing" this ordeal. It's the processing that is missing. I know it takes time, and I have suggested this may be just part of the healing process, but he feels he can't continue like this. He doesn't wish to go to IC or MC.
How can I facilitate / support his healing? How do I react to this request? How do I move us forward from this impasse?
Is it about healing or am I missing something altogether?
Again, I don't want things to magically solve themselves, I just want to support my BS.
