SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi to all the wonderful people out there that have been so kind to me! I am almost a year out from Dday. I have to share this experience with you because my friends just can’t understand it bc they have not been betrayed. (Obviously it’s not their fault) that’s why I’m glad I have you here to "listen".
I have gone no contact with my STBX husband, only necessary email correspondence. I have not seen him since last August. The days are getting easier but I still am having a very hard time with thoughts of him and his betrayal. My kids (age 23 and 20) don’t see him much but have a relationship with him. He lives two hours away from us but his AP lives local. Yesterday I had a setback. So I was stopping up at my daughter’s work (she is a hair stylist) to drop off paperwork, and I saw my husband’s car in the lot and him standing at the counter paying! This took me very off guard bc he is primarily at his work apartment but only here when he’s at his AP’s house. My daughter hasn’t told me she has given her dad any haircuts since our separation. My initial discovery of his affair was discovering his car in his AP’s driveway. Seeing MSTBX’s car in the parking lot of my daughter’s salon unexpectedly, especially when my daughter kept this information from me, brought so many bad feelings to the surface for me. It was like ptsd in a way. The feeling of my loved ones sneaking behind my back and lying. Now they know my daughter has no ill will at all towards me but I think she is afraid to tell me when she’s with her dad bc she knows it would hurt me. I have told her I want her to have a relationship with her dad and I have not bad mother him at all towards my kids. Basically when I saw this I got so shaken and almost scared, almost like a panic attack. I was thrown off for a couple hours. Has anyone experienced something like this before? It’s hard to describe but he has a horrible effect on me. I can’t get over how he lied and cheated and disrespected me. I only supported him and gave him all the love I had. Why is he being so cruel to me? I think my main issue is that he was sneaky and lied for years and I hate the feeling he get knowing that and now I have no more tolerance for anyone (especially my daughter) keeping secrets from me. Can someone please help me reason this? I do have a counselor but I’m asking bc you all have been betrayed like me and understand these feelings. Looking forward to your input…

Please excuse my typos! I think you can figure out the words I was trying to type!!

...I think she is afraid to tell me when she’s with her dad bc she knows it would hurt me.

Why does it hurt you when your daughter spends time with her father?

I guess I didn’t communicate that correctly… it doesn’t hurt me when she spends time with her dad. The part that hurts is that the situation was sneaky and done behind my back. I was surprised to see him there with her. I am very sensitive to the sneakiness and lies since I discovered that my stbx had been doing it to me for years. It was intimate betrayal. This feels like more betrayal. I guess it may not make sense but it’s my feelings…