SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just found out my very successful husband has been paying escorts while on business trips. He has been paying thousands of dollars for overnight girlfriend experiences. I confronted him with all the evidence , which he admitted to. However, I am sure there are many more.
He is begging me to stay married and promises he will never do it again. I don’t believe him, he has narcissistic qualities. Had anyone else ever experienced this nightmare? He controls all the finances and I can’t leave him yet. I have started therapy.
He told me to be glad it was escorts and not an emotional affair.

CFNJ,

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Unfortunately, there are lots of women who have experienced this nightmare. Just scroll through the JFO forum and you will see…

For right now, you should:

1) take care of yourself physically. Make sure to eat and stay hydrated. Get as much exercise as you can, you’ll feel better and it will help you sleep. See a doctor if you need to for anti-anxiety, anti-depression or sleep medications.

2) get an STD test. Make your WH get one too, and make him show you (not tell you) the results.

3) see a lawyer. You aren’t doing this to initiate D, you’re doing this to understand what that process and potential outcomes look like. Start eliminating unknowns, it will help you calm down. Talk to your lawyer about getting access to the finances. Or demand access from your WH. Ask your lawyer about resources for figuring out how much he’s blown on prostitutes.

4) "Be glad it was not an emotional affair" is such a dick thing to say. He does not get it. Maybe print this out for him (without letting him know about this site, keep this your safe place): https://survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/recovery/what-every-ws-needs-to-know/. There’s a lot more great articles in the Healing Library.

Just know this: her cheating was about what is wrong with her, and not at all about what’s wrong with you. You did nothing to deserve this.

Frank gave you some great advice. I second talking to a lawyer. Again, not necessarily to immediately file for divorce, but to give you the knowledge you need to start taking your agency back and know what you're entitled to. That may include a good chunk of money spent on expensive prostitutes. He used marital funds for that. In most, if not all states you're entitled to half of the marital funds. In case of divorce there may be alimony or spousal support as well. I don't think you're as helpless as you feel (and it's understandable that you may feel that way), and talking to a lawyer will fill that in for you. Many offer free first consultations.

You're not helpless.

You're not hopeless.

You're not powerless.

You have a say.

You have some power and control over this situation. You just need to take it, and talking to a lawyer is a very good first step.

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here, but we know what you're going through and you've been heard. More will be along with more to add. Just hang in there.

[This message edited by Pogre at 11:20 PM, Monday, June 15th]