SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I am posting it again to get more responses. As I am not healing. Continuously crying since 3 months 10 days.

12 years of marriage. We Have a child. Recently found out my husband is cheating on me since 5 years. After 3 years of marriage his mother had moved in with us after her husband's death. There used to be fights because of the politics played by my MIL.My H always took her side. They were emotionally married to each other.I felt like outsider. Slowly he started silent treatments, stone walling and started to be distant. I was still in all love with him. In 2022, I caught him cheating by talking to a lady on phone for hours. I was devastated. He didn't give me any detail. I knew it was more than talking. He promised he will never repeat it. Then we moved to USA from our home country. He promised he will rebuild. But recently found out that he never stopped talking to the AP. He used to go to our home country every 4 months to have honeymoon with her by claiming he is going to meet his mom. The AP is a massage lady who used to work in spa and he had went for massage in 2022 when I was in my maternal place for few months. She is a divorcee with 2 twenty years old kids. He gave her a huge amount of money. Set up her own spa business. Sponsoring AP's daughter's higher studies, took a loan for a house she wanted to purchase and claiming that she would have paid the EMIs. Whileas he gave a huge down payment for this too.

This is a 2nd time betrayal. He was very cruel to me these few years. 5 years affair. So many big things he did for AP. He says, his AP used to live with her boyfriend and he used to beat her. So my H wanted to help her. They started talking and he got involved with her out of pity. I was in my maternal home for 4 months. He had full honeymoon with her for those months in my home which we had build together. He used the same bed we used to sleep on. He had given her the key of my house. When he was in USA, she used to come frequently to my house in my home country and my H used to send food for her. Whenever he went to home country, he stayed with her in my house. I discovered these things now.

When I caught him, he is remorseful and want his family back. Want to be a better person and love me the way I want. He is a small narcissist and excessive avoidant. He says he was poisoned for me by his mother and we didn't solve the issues and he had resentment baggage. His ego kept him talking to me about our marital issues. He wanted to help the lady to pull her out of her problems and poverty and strayed.

Please suggest me.

I am not healing. I am crying and confronting him continuously since 3 months 10 days. When he went on a business trip, I felt at peace but now when he is back, the same cycle is repeating. I am in immense pain. Not able to understand what to do to come out of it. It feels like a separation for sometime will help but I feel guilty about asking him to move out and I start missing him and my daughter's full responsibility falls on me and I am not in a position to care her mentally and physically.

How long it will take to heal? How this pain will stop?

I know I can't leave this marriage but I can't think about reconciliation after such a brutal betrayal. My heart is not accepting it. I cant accept how a person can be so cruel to their spouse. I would have never done this.
Recently I found their intimate pictures and I am so broken after that.

[This message edited by Liveandletotherslive at 10:44 PM, Friday, July 10th]

Both of you need therapy - you should be seeing one who specializes in betrayal trauma, and he needs one to figure out why he did this so he can become safe.

You should see a doctor too, sounds like you could benefit from anti-depressants and maybe some anti-anxiety medicine.

Why can’t you leave the marriage?

Can you say more about the pictures you found? It’s not a good sign if he was keeping them.

Smooch pics in my house, pics sitting in restaurant. Pics holding her breast in my house where he is laughing hard and deep love in his eyes. Roaming around together. Festival pics, pics he is keeping his hand on her shoulder in our car, pic of they both wearing beautiful traditional dresses and going in car. pic of he is very close to her in market. Pics of beach, my husband's pic with her, her daughter and AP's brother roaming around. I found them in google pics of his secret email id.

His first love letter. Her first love letter.

I can't imagine a better future leaving him. I can't love someone else and remarry. He is a good father. My daughter (8 years old) may chose father if given a chance. My parents wont let me leave the marriage. I come from an orthodox country and society.

[This message edited by Liveandletotherslive at 11:44 PM, Friday, July 10th]

You have been heard. You have suffered a bitter betrayal. Always value yourself. Investigate counseling for betrayal trauma. It is widely accepted that it take 2-5 years to heal from infidelity. You need to focus on yourself and start to heal. You’ve received good advice in your initial thread as well. Do not allow yourself to be imprisoned in an unlivable situation. Do see an attorney to learn your rights. You have your entire life ahead of you.