Not sure if this is normal or typical or to be expected but here I am about 27 months out and lately anger and not caring has displaced my other feelings. Maybe I have entered the plain of lethal flatness?
Everything was going along pretty well. After D-Day I set a hard boundary of no texting male coworkers. A week ago my wife left her phone at home and for some reason I thought to go through her text messages and discovered that she had texted with a male coworker at her part-time job. She works the tasting bar at a Cooper's Hawk restaurant
The back and forth was minimal and innocent but one text stood out. He said you should pick up so-and-so's shift, after all it is a Wednesday and this sent me spiraling.
My thoughts instantly went to there is something going on when she works a Wednesday shift with this guy and that's why he's asking her to pick up a Wednesday shift. Down the rabbit hole I went. I felt like I was back where I was 2 years ago
By the time she got home I had managed to dial it down a bit and when she walked into the kitchen I said I need a word with you upstairs and she could tell something was wrong. We went upstairs and I asked why are you texting with a male coworker? She said I am not initiating conversation with anyone nor have I deleted any text messages. I have to maintain a professional friendly relationship with coworkers. I said 2 years ago your affair started with a simple good morning text and ended up with you saying something about sitting in his lap in your office should the opportunity present itself.
I said 2 years ago I set a hard boundary of not texting male coworkers and yet here you are doing it. She said I am not initiating conversation and I don't see how it's any different than me talking to a male coworker at work. I said it is you violating the boundary I set of not texting with male coworkers. I said there is no reason for you to respond to which she replied so do you think it's better that I don't reply and then you are left wondering how I replied the next time we work together?
She asked do you want me to tell him that my husband says I am not allowed to text with male coworkers and I said no because that makes me look like a Hitler. What I should have said was yes but you also have to include that 2 years ago my husband discovered that I was exchanging sexual text messages with a married coworker and that's why I can't text with male coworkers
I told her this has brought up emotions in me that I haven't had to deal with in a long time and I feel like this has been a huge setback in our R.
There was some more back and forth and I ended the conversation with if I discover any more messages, no matter the nature, the relationship is over and I walked out of the bedroom.
Since then I seem to be moving more and more towards not caring whether or not the relationship continues. It seems like no matter what I will never be at peace or comfortable or feel secure in the relationship
Has anyone else gone through a stage where 2 years repressed anger is finally manifesting itself?
[This message edited by WB1340 at 3:12 PM, Tuesday, July 14th]
