SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm curious and trying to get a general consensus here.

So, back in March I discovered my wife's affair that lasted roughly 1 year. I'll spare the details of her affair for the sake of this post, but its ugly. Her affair partner is a disgusting human with a criminal record pertaining to children. At first, we were trying to reconcile and she SEEMED remorseful. About 1.5 months into working on things, I kept uncovering more lies, secrets, etc. At some point, the mask came off and she completely turned. She went from pretending to be remorseful and taking blame, to blaming me for not being there "emotionally" etc.

Early on, I got the impression she wasn't telling her family the truth about her affair and our relationship, so I tried to put some feelers out to her family and I was met with a total disinterest in hearing my side of the story. As a matter of fact, they have avoided me and my wife has purposely kept me away from anyone on her side. I looked on her phone and saw text messages to certain family and friends calling me emotionally abusive, controlling, and that I'll never change. Which really took me as a surprise, because our relationship was NEVER that way. Long story short, its obvious that the narrative was being re-written by my wife.

Anyways, what are all your experiences with this? I get it, its her family and they're not going to be on my side no matter what. But to totally shut me out when I'm not the one who blew up our marriage? To not reach out at all? It's very isolating and heartbreaking. And to know that I'm being labeled the villain is absolutely insane.

A little more context; I have been with my wife for over 12 years, so these people have known me since I was 18 years old. Also, we have (3) children under the age of 10, so I have to deal with this family for a long time in some capacity.

I get it, its her family and they're not going to be on my side no matter what.

Unfortunately, this is the simple truth. In all of the years my ex and I were together post d-day and trying to reconcile I had ONE conversation with my former MIL. I did not feel any empathy or sympathy from her at all. And I truly loved and respected her.

Let it go, man. It's not fair or right, but it is what it is. Parents are always going to be very protective of their children.

It is entirely possible (probable) that they don't want to get involved. That's understandable to me.

Some people have been kicking this around a little in the divorce forum:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/667119/who-do-you-tell-your-sider-of-story/

The tl;dr is it’s a mixed bag. Some people do it some don’t.

I think you’re perfectly in the right to standup for yourself and defend your good name. Given her AP is a child-molester or whatever, there’s an aspect of child safety that you frankly might feel obligated to share.

No in laws of significance to tell. MIL was dead and FIL was already estranged. I probably would have told FIL otherwise.

Her sister already knew and was a WW herself.

Never spoke to them again. I was glad of that.

Her dad ran off with a younger woman and abandoned the family.

Both her brothers were in and out of prison, one robbed a female taxi driver at knife point. The step-dad was a coke head but admittedly a very nice fella when not on a come down.

Jesus, I needed to learn to watch out for red flags back then.