SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was checking the email today. Not snooping - all of our emails show up on my iPad every day.

He has a business account that he uses for business and ordering things, medical stuff, etc.

He has a second account that he uses for talking with friends and relatives. This was the account he used to carry on a lot of communication with her.

I have a business account, and two "throwaway" accounts that I use for Facebook, buying certain things, and on websites that I know will send me piles of junk and spam. I generally don’t give out my business account because I don’t want the spam to have to sort through.

Anyway, today my email showed there were three messages unread. I only saw two on his business account. I had to hunt that third one, which turned out to be in his trash folder.

AP#7 had sent out a group email and included him.

It went to the trash bin and is marked that it was from a blocked email account.

The fact that he blocked her and it automatically went to trash makes this less painful, I admit.

But this AP#7 is insidious. She started connecting with him in exactly this way before. She sent him birthday cards (both electronic and snail mail) to reconnect (they were bandmates in the 70’s and early 80’s). She emailed, called, and texted him. Then she sent him a nude, which kicked off their EA.

She is 75 years old, and trust me, the nude I saw on DDay in 2023 was frightening.

I’m not sure if I should wait and see what he does with this? I don’t even know if he looks at his trash file. I know he hasn’t seen it because he is asleep and it just came in while he was asleep.

I feel like I cannot escape this woman.

5 decades,

A tough spot to find yourself.

Question. Now that you have seen the trashed, unopened email could your motive for not bringing this up with your husband be that you are subconsciously setting up a potential trap? If so, is that the type of ongoing relationship you wish to foster? If not, and it is an innocent situation, wouldn’t it be wise to get that on the table and back into the trashcan where it belongs?

There are no right or wrong answers, just something to consider.

Asterisk

Asterisk,

Right now I’m not asking because he’s sleeping LOL.

I think that yes, I wonder about the "trap" issue. Honestly, I don’t know how long it will take him to even see it in his trash.

Given his long, five decades of avoidant behavior with me, I think I’m wanting to see what he does.

My question is "has he changed" - enough to show me he got that message, enough to open the conversation on his own. I’m wanting to know if his changes are REAL, and not just to pacify me and not have to actually work at changing.

I think I want to get some kind of verification (Reagan-esque).

I know I want to see him come to me on his own, without me having to always be the one to bring this shit up.
I know I want him to show me the email, tell me he’s sorry, and ASK me if I’m okay or triggered.

Do I want to live this way? No. I also didn’t want to wait 48 years before he confessed to an affair I confronted him about in 1978, or even deal with the multiple DDays, trickle truths, avoidance, etc.

I understand and appreciate your situation. We are each placed in roles that we never bargained for. It is an unfairness rarely matched. Betrayeds have to change but then how much of our core personality do we allow ourselves to be diverted from? I sure don’t have a clue what the right answer is. What I do know - it sucks and is frustrating as all-get-out.

Thank you for your honest reply, it made me sit back and ponder what I wrote and how better I could have written it.

I’m in your corner,

Asterisk