My husband I have been together for 22 years and married for 13 of those. Within months of getting married I found out he was having an affair with his boss. I wasn't working and had 2 small kids to take care of so I felt stuck and unable to leave him. The relationship ended up lasting about 9 months before she left. A year or 2 later he came to me and said that it had happened again with 2 other people. He came to me and told me without me having any idea. This made me think he really wanted to fix things.
We were good for almost 10 years. Had 2 more kids and no problems as far as I'm aware. He started a different job and I was suspicious able someone he was working with, but never had anything to go on. He had always been jealous and checked my phone, etc. It never bothered me because I don't have anything to hide. I've always had access to his phone as well. Although I know he deletes anything that he doesn't want me to see. Three years ago he got extremely jealous about someone he worked with messaging me about some things I make in my business and wanted to buy some things. He went crazy jealous and treated me like I was cheating for a long time.
In March I noticed he was looking up someone regularly on Facebook. I asked who this person is and he replied that it's someone he works with. She works in a different area and there is no reason for their paths to cross. He said that it was somebody to talk to because I don't talk to him.
He is an alcoholic and works 2nd shift. He gets home from work usually after 11pm and then stays up all night drinking. I try to stay up for a couple hours to spend time with him. I have to get up at 6:30 to get kids ready for school. Earlier if I am working that day. It's normal for him to be going to bed when i get up. He does not get up in the mornings until time to rush around getting ready for work, which he is always late.
When I found out he was texting the girl from work I told him that he needs to stop because if he is doing it behind my back and hiding it it's probably more than just normal chat. He continued to text her and hide it. He started talking about going to do something by himself on his next day off because he never does. We do everything together for the most part, especially if it involves going to another town. He doesn't drive his car very far from home. His next day off I was working. He got up when I left and got ready and supposedly went to a store he hadn't been to in years. He was gone 4.5 hours and forgot his wallet. He later told me that he had gone to meet her and they went to eat lunch. She got pissed when she found out he had forgotten his wallet. She was drunk and wanted him to drink with her. He didn't because he had to come back home to his family as if he had been alone all day. Apparently their plan had been to get a hotel, but it didn't happen.
A couple months ago he went to work drunk and then realized when he got there that he was too drunk to be there. He wouldn't come home so just started driving around. He ended up back at work and she was leaving to go home and confront her boyfriend about his cheating. He followed her home. Now, he is ridiculously drunk and she lives 2 towns away. There is absolutely no way he followed her home unless she was making sure he was keeping up.
When they got there she went in and he stood in the parking lot. Her boyfriend pushed her to call the police. She did and he went to jail for public drunk.
I knew everything that was happening. Our 2 oldest kids are teenagers and they knew what was happening. I was completely honest with them about what I knew. He was driving our one of their cars which I had to go get from being towed. His parents were also brought into the situation at this point.
I refused to pick him up from jail the next morning and told his mom I don't want him here and he needs to go stay with them. She picked him up and took him to her house. I packed up some of his stuff and took a car load of stuff to him.
He asked if he could continue to come home for his lunch break. I said yes because it allowed to kids to see him and keep things fairly normal for them. After school ended he would come after work as well to play games with them. Then after a couple weeks he would ask to stay the night to do something the next morning. Eventually he was just back completely.
He claimed to not be talking to the girl anymore. We try to fix things between us. Then I find that he is still texting her. There have been pictures sent and oral sex in the parking lot. I told him a couple weeks ago that I want him to leave and I want a divorce. He refuses to leave and continues to text her because I said I'm done. It really hurt me that he didn't even try to fight for me. For a couple weeks now we've been going back and forth he said I never point blank told him that if he stopped talking to her we would still have a chance. Two days ago when we had this conversation I told him that if he wanted to try to fix things he had to stop all contact with her completely. He didn't like that he couldn't even acknowledge her. He promised yesterday before work that he was done with her and wouldn't talk to her again. He messaged her before he got home from work last night. I woke up this morning and see that he tried to call her on facebook. And this is just what he forgot to delete.
I'm been done for a while, but there was still a little part of me that wished he wanted me and would actually fight for me. I realize that's never going to happen. He is off today and tomorrow. I'm going now to start packing his things while he is asleep. He didn't go to bed until 9am this morning.
I don't have any family or friends. It's making it harder to deal with all of this because I have no one to talk to about it. I did talk to me boss about it a couple days ago and it was good to have someone listen.
