SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I (32F) cheated on my husband (38m) 14 months ago. It was a drunken one night stand with a girl I've never met before and havent seen since.

The guilt and shame was eating me alive so I told him a few days later.

Since then, I have given up drinking, given him full access with my phone, laptop, and emails. I have done everything he has asked me to do including quit my job, got rid of all my smutty books, got rid of all my ugly underwear and sleeping clothes that he didnt like and he now has say over what I wear day and night. I have also recommitted myself to keeping the house as clean as he likes it.

I thought we were on the right path to forgiveness and reconciliation until a few days ago

We had a huge fight because I am not losing weight fast enough.

For context, his number 1 emotional need is Physical Atttactiveness. My weight has always been a point of contention in our relationship. Our biggest fight happened a few months before the A. The fight started because he saw fast food wrappers in the car and he told me he thought women should weigh less than their husband.

Since the DD, I committed myself to reconciliation and lost 30 pounds. I am now stronger and leaner than I have ever been but he says I need to lose 20 more pounds. I told him I wanted to focus on getting stronger not leaner but he wouldn't have it. He then said he felt like I hadn't done anything towards reconciliation and that I wasnt committed enough.

I started having a panic attack, feeling like I could never do enough to make up for my mistake and our love would always depend on my weight no matter what I did. And that I would never have the right to advocate for my needs in the relationship because I am the one who messed up.

Am I the one in the wrong?

Male Betrayed Spouses, is it normal to need your wife to lose weight for her to recieve forgiveness in path of reconciliation?

Help me understand it, please.

At this time, I am sleeping on the couch because I am struggling to understand and accept this. But if you tell me this is normal, I will change my workout routine and recommit myself to this.

Thank you for your time. Long time reader. First time poster.

I am a wayward wife, I have been working towards recovery and reconciliation for nearly 1 year.

No, weight loss is not part of the deal. I am sorry, but what??

I get it if the wayward used to get all dolled up for the affair partner and never for the spouse, and therefore the spouse demanded more effort in the aftermath.

But from what you say, it doesn’t seem relevant at all.

Has he asked you for other things in order to reconcile? E.g. around the introspective side of things (e.g. why it happened, how can you become a safe partner again, etc..) or has he been focusing mainly on having a say on your appearance and weight?

Further, I don’t know if you have seen the "wayward side" forum on here. Feel free to post there if you would like support or just venting on other things