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Hello again , if you want to read my story it’s posted in the "just found out " section , but to summarize , it’s been about a week since I found evidence that my partner of 5 years paid an escort for oral sex. At first he denied it , but after a few days of space he came clean and told me everything. We are not legally married , but we live together. The first few days after I found out were unbearable. Now, I feel a bit of relief after having him come clean and express remorse / desire to do better / work on the relationship. However, I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do next. He agreed to couples therapy. Our relationship was pretty wonderful at some point in the past. I really do love him and feel a deep connection to him, close as family. I just don’t know if I can get over the disrespect. Or rather, I feel like I can forgive him. But I’m not sure if I want to take the risk of ever feeling like that again. So how do I decide if it’s worth it?
What are the rules and boundaries in the meantime ? We are sharing the same bed (it’s a big bed , we’re not touching ). How long to give myself to make a decision ? Because currently I am flip flopping. I need to be able to decide "yes I will try to reconcile and give it a chance " or " no it’s not worth recovering " , but right now I am just not at that point. So what do I do in the meantime? How do I discover and listen to my own voice and feelings ? What kind of boundaries should I put up while I am trying to figure it out ? (Obviously not being intimate is one I am sticking to for the indefinite future). Currently just trying to take care of myself and eat and sleep and keep busy. But I don’t want to be in limbo forevermore .