I have not posted for a little while. My spouse had an online affair but far far more has come to light since. He is certainly a gift that keeps on giving - more like a stink bomb than a lovely present from your mom.
My respect for him has diminished and tbh I just see him as a rather pathetic individual.
I am unsure if he is cruel, narcissistic, psychotic, selfish or stupid. Maybe a mixture. But it’s pretty irrelevant tbh. I don’t think he’ll ever get what he’s searching for. He may get a disease but I doubt he’ll get a fulfilling relationship unless he sorts himself out. But I can’t control that. Its pathetic. Maybe it suits him to be this way. I can only assume it does.
It’s clear what I thought I / we had was nonsense.
So I am in a better place psychologically. I can function. Yet I’m still distracted at times by it. I’ve had therapy and I’m not sure that more would be right at this time.
What things can I do to try and help me further. I am in a bit of a rut again. My social circle is pretty big. I am an extrovert and am finding myself again. But I’m clearly not back to being me. I have a few interests and I’m so much better at seeing emotional stuff clearly. I’ve done a lot of work on flooding and breathing before I panic etc.
In a way I wish I could sit with you guys in real life, laugh, cry and listen to you all. I bet you all have some great ideas!
So small suggestions or big suggestions - all appreciated. I want to feel happier, more at peace, fulfilled. Etc. My motivation is a bit scatty for example and I was very motivated prior to this shit show. Hints and tips would be great. I’m over 4 years but plenty of trickle truth 
more like a longstanding dripping tap than a trickle.
You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you have got to go through it. Michael Rosen was talking about Bear Hunts but it’s relevant to cheating toads too.
