We're working on repair and things are getting better (finally, after 10 months) but there are things that popup and just threaten to ruin everything.
In this specific case, it's music.
I discovered my UW had a shared collaboration playlist on a streaming platform.
It hadn't been recently listened to but there were plenty of 'newer' songs added. I didn't get too angry about the playlist because she immediately blocked him on the app and deleted the playlist, saying she hadn't listened to it in a long time. Maybe, maybe not, but not worth freaking out about since I didn't really know.
The point here is that like a psycho I screenshotted all the songs on the playlist, fed them into chat and got all the lyrics. 90% of the songs were about a lost love, desiring for someone else, leaving your current person for another, with a few innocuous songs sprinkled in.
I brought up to her a few days later that I was feeling a bit off about the songs that she had in the playlist. Before i could even explain WHY I was off on them, she said 'I don't listen to song lyrics like that. A song is just a song to me, I like the music and the melody but the words are just words.'
The problem here is that I know that's not true. Multiple times over the past year she has gotten upset because a song will be on the radio and I didn't pay attention to it and then she says something like 'we just don't connect on things', because I didn't listen to the lyrics or the song.
I know this isn't a MAJOR sticking point, but it's just one of those areas where I don't feel like she's being truthful because she's afraid I would freak out.
The thing is is that I might be a bit upset about it but it's something worth us talking about. Maybe there is something she is still longing for that we could work on together, or maybe she's still struggling with her feelings. Whatever it is, I wish that she would just finally be f***ing honest.
Or, maybe I'm just being hypervigilant and looking for stuff where it isn't. If that's the case, please let me know.
thanks!
