One of my challenges after DDay is learning to appreciate the now. I have a hard time enjoying the good moments without comparing them to the past. I find myself silently adding the word "now" onto things he says. Like "I love you" yeah now! My experience was different than most others on this site. 42 yrs between A and DD. A lifetime. I don't want to be full of resentment.
I read this post on Instagram last night and it really hit home. Maybe I just need to be patient.
nathan_rebuild_and_repair
22h
The strange grief of finally getting what you begged him for….
Nobody really talks about this part of healing.
The day he finally becomes transparent.
- He finally answers the questions without defensiveness.
- He finally understands why honesty matters.
- He finally listens instead of minimizing.
- He finally takes responsibility without needing to be pushed.
- He finally becomes the husband you begged him to be.
And instead of feeling nothing but relief, you might find yourself thinking what I did:
"Why did it take destroying me for you to become this man?"
Because that’s the complicated part.
You wanted this version of him.
You prayed for this version of him.
You spent so much time wishing he would finally understand what you needed.
But now that he’s showing up differently, you also have to grieve the fact that he could have chosen to show up this way before.
You can be grateful for who he is becoming and still be angry about what it took to get here.
You can appreciate his growth and still grieve the years when you didn’t receive it.
You can love the man standing in front of you while mourning what his choices cost you.
Those feelings don’t cancel each other out.
And if you’re rebuilding, you don’t have to force yourself to feel instantly happy just because he’s finally doing the things you’ve been asking for.
Let yourself hold both truths:
"I’m grateful for the man you’re becoming."
And…
"I’m heartbroken that it took losing my safety for you to become him."
Healing isn’t about pretending the pain was worth it.
It’s about allowing his consistent actions today to slowly show you that today really is different from yesterday.
You don’t have to rush that process. Sometimes the heart needs time to catch up with the person standing in front of you.
