Hi all. I'm a BH, together about 15 years, married 12, no kids.
I've been reading here for a while and finally want to tell my story.
About five months ago, my WW woke me late one night and told me she'd ended a year-long affair. I sensed I wasn't getting the whole truth. She swore it was a year, that she ended it, and that they used condoms. All of it was false. The affair lasted closer to three years, it ended because the AP got caught, and they never used protection.
Over the next week, the trickle truths continued. The "full" confession only came after I threatened a polygraph (I never required one). In total, she had seven sexual partners, two physical encounters without sex, and a couple of sexting relationships. It spanned our entire relationship. I had even met a few of these men and thought they were friends or colleagues. She was with someone around the time of our wedding.
The most recent affair was the deepest and is the hardest for me. They talked multiple times a day, often for an hour or more combined, and said "I love you." They took trips together while I thought she was traveling alone for work. He was in our home and they had sex here.
She has gone no contact, and she started IC and MC on her own and has stuck with them. We're both STI-negative. I have my own IC, and two close people in my life know and support me. We're living together and trying to reconcile. I believe I now know everything, but I can't be certain.
The first month was brutal. I barely ate or slept. I've regained some routine, but I think about it constantly, and the intrusive images of her with other men have slowed but still occur daily. I keep wondering how the person I knew best could lie to me for so long. Even if she truly changes, I wonder if I can ever be happy or at peace with her, knowing what she was capable of.
Some days reconciliation feels possible and other days I feel like I'll never get there. For those further down this road: is R realistic after something this extensive? And what should I be prioritizing right now?
Thank you for reading.
