Me (42), Met my other half (44) in 2013 at work. We got married in 2015. From the beginning of the marriage, there was a lack of intimacy, despite this we were best of friends. Over the years I have discovered him accessing porn websites, instead of joining me in bed, messaging porn stars on Twitter, sending his exes messages asking for bikini pictures. Each time I made a discovery, he was minimise it, but it made me more paranoid each time. I guess he just got better at hiding things. I didn't think it was enough to make me leave. I always suspected he had probably slept with someone else behind my back, but I had never found evidence of this.
We have had 2 children following several rounds of IVF (aged 3&6). We have bought a home together, travelled the world together and have made a life.
Last year, Nov 25, I found secret twitter (X) accounts where he had been messaging porn stars. This prompted me to give one final warning. Therapy or I'm out.
He sought out a couples counsellor after much prompting from me. We started in May 2026. I had literally been begging for affection and intimacy during the sessions. We both kept talking about how much better things have been between us since the couples therapy. More intimacy, more affection and just understanding each other better.
But my world turned upside down on 14th October 2026. He left his laptop open by accident, and I saw the most awful Watsapp pictures and messages. Sexting, pictures of his penis in someone else's mouth (a uni friend, someone he has known for 20 years). I was livid. I confronted him during a counselling session 2 days later, because I thought if I confront him without a witness, he will somehow find a way to gaslight me.
Initially he said it was a one time thing. However, I found her husband on Facebook and called him. He confronted her, and she admitted it has been going on since July 2025. my WH had got in touch with her and tried to convince her to stick to the story of it being a one time thing. She admitted the truth when confronted. Whilst my WH continued to lie after lie.
I threw him out of the house. But we have young children together, so he has to remain in my life. I still love him. But I'm broken, shattered, and can't see myself ever trusted him (or any other man) again.
He says this is the first times he has faced consequences (me throwing him out), he has finally taken accountability (after spending three weeks blaming me, his affair partner, and even our marriage counsellor at one point). He says he is changing, he is going to therapy, finding healthy coping mechanisms for stress (instead of porn) and can I just give him time to change and that this can't be the end.
I want to believe him, my children miss him so much, but my heart just can't go back there.
