LTA 14 yrs as far as I know
16 Years, a cautionary tale.....
I haven't been to Surviving Infidelity too often of late but at one time it was the only thing that got me through my day.
My so called husband is an habitual liar, and his infidelity is physical, emotional and financial.
This is why I'm writing this cautionary post, take it or leave it. When I was a newbie, my life was turned upside down. We had been married 27 years at the time. I would write my posts on surviving in disbelief and wait for support. What I received was reality checks but I didn't believe them.
They didn't know my husband, this affair wasn't all on him, it was the woman who pulled him into it, he would never lie to me again because I had pulled all details out of him and I knew everything! This affair was done, he loved me and I was convinced that he was going to do everything he could to repair the damage, we were going to be the model couple in the reconciliation forum!
Boy was I naive! This man was every word in the SI vocabulary, cake eater, gas lighter......
There have been too many Ddays to count, lots and lots of money spent for fun, for rent, for essentials as this woman doesn't support herself, burner phones, she has literally, illegally stolen thousands from us, individual counseling, couples counseling, promises that he will never ever have contact again. There has been the 180, he has been kicked out of the house, numbers have been blocked.
Yet, he has continued over 16 years with the most recent discovery on Wed of this week. I don't know that sex is involved anymore but lies and money involved. Also, I don't know this woman. There have been two. I have no way to find them and no way to take legal action as the money taken was in accounts in his name, not mine. He's not allowed to have a credit card. His credit sucks anyway.
This time he says is different. I would say it is in that this time he PROMISED he'd change. He's not going to lie to me anymore. He approached me with asking me to handle all of his money for his business, told me he's putting a tracker on himself, has called me reporting where he is every minute without me asking and he decided he needs counseling.
It's different in all the above was initiated by him, it's not in that I've heard these promises before but I was the one to make the expectations.
Here's my warning, again, take it or leave it. Don't be me. I was too shocked to get a divorce when I first found out and was dumb enough to believe he was sincere. I thought I knew everything and I knew nothing. I didn't get help initially, did later, and I still haven't told anyone.
Why is he still here? I'm about to retire and yes, he's been living nicely as I make more money. I am about to drop my income a bit for a couple of years before I draw social security but our plan is that he starts his social security when I retire and we'll be close to where we are now. I can support myself and live elsewhere but at this point, I'm not willing to leave my beautiful home and the extras I have worked too hard to be able to afford because I would be back to scrimping if I had to share my income with him, and I worked too hard too long to have to do that.
My husband is a bum. I hope he's going to change but don't believe he will. I don't know how he sleeps at night, and don't think this is a nice place for him. I'm not cooking for him, doing his laundry or doing anything else a wife would do. He's in another bedroom where he hates to be. He wants to be with me but I don't give cake to cake eaters.
I am a well educated, professional woman. I have had positions of high responsibility. I know I'm also well liked, a very good person and well respected. My self esteem took a hit but I know this is not on me, he has a problem. My problem was not leaving when I was middle aged because I was bullshitted and because I thought I was too old to start over.
This may be long, but if I can reach at least one person who's in the beginning of this journey and help them to learn from my mistake of believing a liar, then the time it took to write this is worth it. Please believe the people on surviving infidelity and take their advice. Unfortunately, they have life experience and know what they are talking about.
16 comments posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021