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[This message edited by jjct at 6:42 PM, October 15th (Wednesday)]

347 comments posted: Thursday, May 1st, 2014

Let's work on a safety thread

Thanks to Moo for finding this, and Nature_Girl for originally posting.

Anything you guys want to do with this info is great. Add ideas, etc.

Maybe organize into categories?

After we bat this around for awhile and polish it up - it will hopefully make a nice 'stickie' addition here.

This is what I got so far. Have at it gang!

organized by categories?

- Physical/personal incl kids

- Domicile/grounds/residence

- Financial! bank accts, etc.

- Computer

- work place...???? any other???

atty said I couldn't change locks so I added locks he didn't have keys to

WHEN I LEAVE, I SHOULD HAVE:

___Identification for myself

___Social Security Cards

___Checkbook, ATM card

___Driver's License & Registration

___Bank books, Insurance papers

___Pictures, jewelry

___Welfare identification, work permits, Green Card

___Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book

___Children's Birth certificates

___School & vaccination record

___Credit cards

___Medication

___Small saleable objects

___Children's favorite toys and/or blankets

___MY birth certificate

___MONEY!!!

___Keys to house, car, office

___Passports/Divorce papers

___Address book

___Medical records for all family members

___Items of special sentimental value

A - If I decide to leave, I will ___________. (Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells or fire escapes would you use?)

B - I can keep my money and car keys ready and put them __________ (location).

C - I can tell _______ about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my home.

D - I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department.

E - I will use _____ as my code for my children or my friends so they can call for help.

F - If I have to leave my home, I will go ___________. (Decide this even if you don't think there will be a next time.) If I cannot go to this location, then I can go to _______.

G - I can also teach some of these strategies to some/all of my children.

H - When I expect we are going to have an argument, I will try to move to a space that is lowest risk, such as _____________________. (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door)

I - I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/her down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.

SAFETY WHEN PREPARING TO LEAVE

Abuse victims frequently leave the residence they share with the abusive partner. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Abusers often strike back when they believe their victim is leaving the relationship.

I can use some or all of the following safety strategies:

A - I will leave money and an extra set of keys with ___________ so that I can leave quickly.

B - I will keep copies of important documents or keys at _______________.

C - I will open a savings account by __________________ to increase my independence.

D - Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ______________________.

E - I can call the domestic violence hot line number: _____________________.

G - I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I understand that if I u se my telephone credit card, the following month the telephone bill will tell my partner those numbers that I called after I left. To keep my telephone communications confidential, I must either use coins or I might ask a friend to permit me to use their telephone card for a limited time when I first leave. I could also purchase prepaid calling cards.

H - I will check with ________ and __________ to see if they would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.

I - I can leave extra clothes with _____________________.

J - I will sit down and review my safety plan every __________________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. ___________________ (DV Advocate or friend) has agreed to help me review this plan.

K - I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

L - Be aware that cellular phones can contain GPS tracking devices. If possible, plan to

get a new phone and new service plan when you leave, and leave your original

phone behind.

M - Know that your computer activity can be monitored or checked without your

knowledge. It is not possible to delete or clear all of the “footprints" from your

computer or online activities. If you are being monitored, it may be dangerous to

change your computer behaviors such as suddenly deleting your entire Internet history

if that is not your regular habit.

N -• If you think you may be monitored on your home computer, be careful how you use

your computer since an abuser might become suspicious. You may want to keep using

the monitored computer for non-personal activities, like looking up the weather or

reading the news. Use a safer computer to research an escape plan, look for new jobs or apartments, bus tickets, or ask for help.

O - Consider opening a free email account that your abuser doesn’t know about. Only

check it from public or otherwise safe computers (libraries, schools, a friend’s home).

I like that squirreling away small amounts of money & converting them into cards.

SAFETY PLANNING IN MY OWN RESIDENCE:

A - I can change the locks on my doors & windows as soon as possible. (FYI, changing your locks is not as expensive as completely putting in new locks. I was pleasantly surprised at this!)

B - I can replace wooden doors & windows as soon as possible.

C - I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D - I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.

E - I can install smoke detectors and purchase fire extinguishers for each floor in my house/apartment.

F - I can install an outside lighting system that lights up when a person is coming close to my house.

G - I will teach my children how to use the telephone to make a call to me or ___________ and ______________ (friend or minister or DV Advocate). I can teach them how to make a collect telephone call.

H - I will tell people who take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not permitted to do so. The people I will inform include:

School:_________________

Babysitter:_________________

Day care staff:_____________

Sunday School teacher:_____________

Pastor:_________________

Others:_________________

I - I can inform __________(neighbors), _________________(Pastor), ______________(friends) that my partner no longer resides with me, and they should call the police if he/she is observed near my residence.

62 comments posted: Thursday, October 18th, 2012

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