Newest Member: Daughterofthemosthigh


Me-BS-65 in May<BR />HIM-SAFWH-68<BR />I just wanted a normal life.<BR />Normal trauma would have been appreciated.

Checking in and catching up

I apologize for disappearing. I still read here when I can, and keep track of stories. But it's mostly on my phone where it becomes difficult to respond.
So many people with ongoing traumas-Dragn, What's Right, HFSSC, others...please know that I am holding you in the LIGHT and you are in my daily thoughts. It feels so awful that we anonymous friends cannot provide any real life help.

We have had a busy summer, mostly good stuff, some age related injuries and illnesses that require more attention than I wish they did. We are overall healthy for our age and lucky in that our health benefits are excellent.

We have a new grandson! Born to DS2 in NC in early July. His wife was probably the healthiest pregnant woman I have ever met, and yet she wound up with severe complications. The baby was unresponsive and had to be ventilated. Both are perfect now, but we almost lost both of them. Scary times.

He is BEAUTIFUL with bright red hair. She, God bless her, was able to get him to nurse after a week where she didn't even see him. Amazing. My son stepped right up, feeding, changing, not sleeping, "keeping him alive" for the week. We helped, her parents helped, just the way it is supposed to be. I'm very proud of both of them. We plan to go see them about once a month. It's a longish drive but not too bad.

They plan to put him in a daycare center at 3.5 months. Five to one baby to adult ratio. I'm not happy but keeping my mouth shut. They could afford a nanny or au pair and DS works remotely. But apparently finding a suitable person is hard to do.

We also continue to babysit our local granddaughter frequently. If they don't need a sitter, we make excuses to steal her. Almost 2, her vocabulary is expressive, her sense of humor and justice well defined and her problem solving skills are fun to watch. In the thread that asked what we wanted to be called, I wanted "Grammy." That has become "Gigi" and my husband's wish of "Grandpa" has become "PaPa." She is the boss of that.

Hopefully, they'll be here in early Sept for a beach vacation and here for Christmas.

Number 4, How is your baby! Tush, yours?

6 comments posted: Saturday, August 12th, 2023

Heart disease in 35 year old

DS2. 35. Wife is 4 months pregnant. Chest pains for 2 days, ignored until day 2. Troponin levels as high as 10, balloon catherization done, Widowmaker artery 100% blocked. Another artery also 100% blocked but they left it alone...
He's overweight, eats high fat, barbecue, drinks too much, imo, doesn't exercise. But all his vitals signs have been just a little elevated, doctors haven't even put him on statins or bp medication.
Very, very scared right now.
He lives 8 hours away, I'm leaving early tomorrow to put eyes on him.
Prayers and mojo requested!!!

24 comments posted: Monday, January 9th, 2023

My personal philosophy is being challenged

by my new therapist. And I need the feedback from the wise people here. We haven't started EMDR yet, still working on background.

When I was very young I was told by a Baptist minister that my Jewish daddy would burn in hell if he didn't accept Jesus as his personal savior. I was seven and going to the church all by myself. I went home and hid under my bed. I cried and thought and thought and figured out in my head that God wouldn't punish my daddy because he was raised in a different culture. He was a good man and God would see that. And besides, Jesus was Jewish, wasn't he? From that belief grew the belief that EVERYONE had the capacity to be good and that evil acts were perpetrated by people who were sick, and God would surely forgive those people too.

I did/do use this philosophy to justify much of my husband's nasty behavior towards me. Through therapy and 12 steps and this site, I've learned to not accept this behavior, but I still do believe that his mental health issues caused him to act in negative ways.

That's not to say I accept these behaviors. I found a religious group for whom this is a basic tenet. We believe there is "that of God in every person" and that we need to look for that LIGHT. We don't deny evil acts, don't deny that punishment and restitution is important, but do believe that good exists, somewhere in that person.

My therapist said I'm taking advice from that 7 year old. And some people ARE just evil. I am perfectly capable of agreeing to disagree and still work with her.

So what do you good people say? Are my beliefs that of a naive 7 year old or of a mature 68 year old optimist?

19 comments posted: Thursday, November 17th, 2022

Autumn Leaves

I'm making a concerted effort to find joy. And Mother Nature is surely cooperating! The leaves in my suburban neighborhood are just glorious! There are maples that still have green on the interior while the exterior ones are iridescent orange and red. The oaks and lindens are saffron and lemon colored and the tulips and sycamores are crimson.
Take a look as you travel around. They won't be there long!

PS raking them isn't as much fun as admiring them!

6 comments posted: Tuesday, October 25th, 2022

I finally took a necessary step-emdr

I've been here forever. And I debated whether to post here or in General. I don't know if we have ever truly reconciled or simply become complacent.
I'm not going to rehash my whole H is a bipolar sex addict, mostly porn that escalated to strip clubs and EAs, lots of flirting and nasty porn. I've had therapy and nauseum. I understand why he went that way, his mental illness, childhood sexual abuse, FOO issues set him up for this method of coping. I wouldn't say he's cured, but ongoing therapy helps him along with medication and fear that he'll lose his family at 71. I don't think he's using porn but he could be. I have no reason to think he's doing anything in RL, we are rarely apart.
But all those years he treated me terribly. I was the scapegoat. I did nothing right. I spent all my energy trying to fix all the things that he claimed I did wrong. I neglected my kids, myself. I fixated on it. I convinced myself that he didn't mean to treat me that way, that he was stressed by his career challenges. I was the proverbial frog in the pot, gradually getting used to increasing abuse coupled with periods of love bombing.
It was trauma. Repeated trauma and it mimicked my own childhood trauma.
I am a healthy person with a TON of auto immune issues. I just know they are a result of repeated trauma. I am an optimistic person, capable of finding beauty in a cloud, in a single autumn leaf, finding joy in being in the in the moment, especially in the blessed times I spend with my precious granddaughter, with my lovable cats, in my beautiful back yard.
But I am so incredibly, insanely, enormously ANGRY! I was cheated out of my story, cheated out of a normal sex life, cheated out of the experience of loving and being loved by a partner even while I THOUGHT I was building a life together. I sleep terribly, and when I lie awake, all the angry thoughts come to the forefront. I react when he compliments me, thinking about the nasty insults he threw at me, the many criticisms he was quick to list, etc. The lizard part of my brain is still in high alert.
I scheduled my first EMDR session with a therapist who comes highly recommended.
I'm finally doing something for me.

11 comments posted: Tuesday, October 18th, 2022

"Difficult Day" by A.A. Milne.

"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.

There was a pause.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.

"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."

"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.

"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.

"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.

"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."

And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
A.A. Milne

Sending thoughts to those having a Difficult Day today and hope you have your own Piglet to sit beside you

I am very very grateful to all of you Piglets that sit by me and have sat by me on my own difficult days. I don't have that in RL. You are a blessing to me.

9 comments posted: Wednesday, October 12th, 2022

I think I have covid.

I'm a lot sicker with a sore throat, headache, fatigue, etc., than I've ever been with a summer cold. Tested negative, will test again daily.
Anyway, do I need treatment other than fluids, rest, Tylenol, salt water gargle, etc? I'm 68, in generally good health, history of asthma but no symptoms for at least 8 years or so.
I'm a bit wary of pavalox, and know nothing about monoclonal antibodies

18 comments posted: Friday, September 23rd, 2022

50th High School Reunion

I wasn't going to go. $75 seemed like a lot of money to spend on a night with people I didn't remember hearing about lives I had long forgotten about. Plus, Covid. But I went to a pre-event at a bar and was encouraged to show up, so I did. It was a lot of fun.

Nice people, reminiscing about forgotten events. They had left the pettiness and insecurities I remembered behind and the geeky men had grown into their ears and noses and become quite handsome. The women were all sizes, mostly a bit larger and seemed quite happy and comfortable in their bodies. I met up with a childhood friend with whom I shared 45 records and teen magazines when I was probably 9 years old. There was a group of us who lived "across the pike" from the elementary school, which was overcrowded, so we went to school in the basement of the local Baptist church. That's where I met my first crushes, who both were there and admitted that they too had crushes on me. So funny.

Being on this site, I was a bit nervous about any creepy stuff happening, but I didn't perceive any. It was fun and lighthearted and they played great music and the food was good.

Class of about 550, unfortunately about 80 of us didn't live till 2022. crying
Counting my blessings!

5 comments posted: Sunday, August 21st, 2022

Diabetes Insipidus

Anyone here have experience? My DS2 was just diagnosed. MRI showed no tumor but a "thickening of the pituitary stalk." It's apparently surprising enough for the neurologist to write it up for a conference.
Desmopressin has alleviated the symptoms but they still need to figure out the cause. He's scheduled for a repeat MRI in 60 days and a visit to an endocrinologist.
He keeps saying "don't worry Mom," which is, of course, ridiculous, he's my kid.
He's also experiencing headaches, minor, helped with ibuprofen, but he's not a headache guy.
Any information will be appreciated.

2 comments posted: Friday, May 6th, 2022

Need to vent

Family brother and sister grew up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic home. Despite this, we have managed to live relatively "normal" lives, great kids, financially stable, etc. We are close. But we don't share everything, I'm the oldest, I tend to not share my problems while being called upon by my siblings for support. Don't get me wrong, I get support from them at times, but I do often feel like I'm expected to be stronger than everyone else. It's okay, I get support elsewhere.

My sister and her husband are going to Hawaii for a special anniversary. I am so happy for her, I've been there several times and I know she'll love it. I contacted her husband to let him know I wanted to treat her to a lei greeting and so needed to know their flight details. My intention was to have both of them greeted at the airport, but I didn't spell that out because I wanted to maintain a little bit of a surprise. He wrote back a RUDE text, saying that he would do that for them if he wanted and I needed to mind my own business and stop interfering.

I'm pissed. I don't interfere. I keep my mouth shut about things that I see in him that are disturbing. I bend over backwards to make special meals for him as he's on a restrictive diet, drove him to the hospital when he was having surgery, etc. We have diametrically opposed political opinions, I have never challenged him and avoid the discussions. I and another sister single handedly put together a wedding for them years ago. I would NEVER say anything to my sister about all this, he's her husband and she will never hear anything negative about him from me.

I simply wanted to do something nice for my dear sister and her husband. If he had said "thanks, but I'd like to do that for my wife" that would have been fine with me, although I may have chosen instead to send flowers to their room.

I don't get it. Except one clue. Years ago, I referred to my sister as [first name, maiden name, married name] He was incensed, her name wasn't [maiden name]. I said she's always be a [maiden name] and he assured me that she stopped being that when she married him. I dropped it, assuming he's that insecure or old fashioned or something.

I'm trying to maintain my composure and leaning towards praying for him in his obviously paranoid and maybe jealous state of mind, but man, I'm pissed.

11 comments posted: Thursday, April 7th, 2022

Can we talk about leased cars?

Throughout my life I have always driven cars into the ground. My last purchased car was a Mazda Millenia and it died after 300,000+ miles. When we became more financially stable, I started to lease. I loved it. I never had to bleed brakes at 3AM or change alternators in the rain.

My lease is up in June. It is likely to be impossible to lease this same car again, due to the shortages. Unless a dealership pulls it out of a hat, I'll opt to buy this one at a very reasonable residual value. And I'd pay cash.

There is the rub. The local dealership wants me to (briefly) finance and then pay it off in a month or so. They make money on that transaction. In addition, they will charge me for the preparation of the document for the new registration and tags (I'm pretty sure I can do that on my own) and they are charging a $300 "safety check" as well. This seems like a real cash grab.

Has anyone bought out a lease with substantially less hassle and do you have advice for me?


4 comments posted: Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

Porn texts

Not sure if this is the best place for this question but here goes.
My H is a porn/sex addict in recovery. Maybe. He's not engaged with rl people for a long time but online porn has been a longterm issue. I have no reason to believe he's engaging now but I no longer look.
There are blocking apps and controls on his phone but he definitely was using it for skanky stuff in the past. He's getting a lot of really yucky texts. Now, I get spam texts but never of the XX variety. Why is he? Is it just a random thing?
He's a very unsavvy tech user. He frequently answers calls that he doesn't recognize. He often clicks on web links that are clearly click clickbait. I don't think he has clicked on links sent by text but I wouldn't be surprised if he had. He says he doesn't even see these raunchy texts, he's awful about keeping up with text threads and/or voice-mail.
Assuming he's not currently porn hopping, is there a good way to stop them from coming?

3 comments posted: Tuesday, September 7th, 2021

Anybody here!?

Not much action tonight. I'm upset about something and thought I needed a pick me up.

Tell me the best holiday jokes you heard this year...

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

Because he had very low elf esteem.

2 comments posted: Saturday, January 4th, 2020

Any way to track a dumb phone

My husband is still struggling with inappropriate surfing. He didn't cross the porn line but it's potentially a matter of time. I'm not willing to wait.

So he got himself a dumb phone.

We used to use a tracker on Verizon with dumb phones but they don't even sell dumb phones.

I have Verizon, he has consumer cellular.

Any ideas?

[This message edited by Lionne at 4:37 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

2 comments posted: Wednesday, November 13th, 2019

What's on your menu?

Memorial day picnics! Summer is on the way!

Our menu

Fresh Jersey strawberries, picked ourselves


Green salad

Pasta salad



Chicken BBQ

Chips and dip

Corn on the cob

Rosemary grilled potatoes

Oreo truffles


Fresh iced tea

Wine and beer

Even though I'm not allowed to eat 2/3 of this, I'm looking forward to it!

3 comments posted: Friday, May 25th, 2018

They are greasing poles in Philly...

My first reaction was that this is a hate crime again Polish people. The I remembered I do live near a city known for stupidity.

This guy could be the poster child.

1 comment posted: Sunday, January 21st, 2018

Willie Nelson

My FB had a link to his new song, Still Not Dead. I'm making it my theme song.

4 comments posted: Sunday, April 30th, 2017

(almost) free books

These are a testament to the bad early days...

All gone!

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 12:25 PM, January 17th (Tuesday)]

1 comment posted: Tuesday, January 17th, 2017

Funny/cute video thread

Mods, is this okay? There used to be one on here. I loved to see the new posts.

If this is continued, please remember the guidelines, no religious, or political videos!

Here's my current favorite. I think she'll give Taylor Swift a run for her money!

12 comments posted: Friday, April 22nd, 2016

My strange new obsession

Dr. Pimple Popper. Website. Fascinating. And I've branched out so I now know how to remove abscess in the abdomen also.

But those people who are NOT medical folks, with their exacto knives, dirty fingers, etc. messing with things that very well may be infectious, MRSA, etc. { shudder }

Judging from the views, I'm not the only one attracted to this stuff. Anyone else willing to own up?

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 3:18 AM, March 8th (Tuesday)]

12 comments posted: Tuesday, March 8th, 2016

Grammies anyone?

I'm loving the music this year. And my man, Jackson Browne, always happy to see him.

He's finally starting to show his age.

I think I need to explore some new artists.

2 comments posted: Monday, February 15th, 2016

The Spiritual Child

Wow. interesting stuff. My DS, 32, a recovering alcoholic and newly diagnosed BP patient says it answers many questions and describes much of what he and other addicts feel as they work their program, that the need for and search for a spiritual life is essential. As a child, he was amazing in his innate empathy, far beyond his years, his ability to see beyond himself, and in worship, (we worship silently) to center himself far faster and more quickly than most adults. I'm not a believer in a corporeal God, but do believe in something transcendent to myself, I allowed my kids to find their own way.

This is an absolutely fascinating read.

0 comment posted: Friday, October 2nd, 2015

Oregon Vacation!

What a beautiful state! We had a wonderful time.

Whale watching, scenic wonderment, seafood. Although I must say, Jersey has you beat on tomatoes...

The dog detects the whales. Barks and lifts one ear.

We gave up on selfies. Enlisted passerbys.

I fell in love with a bunch of different trees.

Rufous Hummingbird

Beautiful vistas

Sunset from our room in a lovely Inn in Yachats

3 comments posted: Thursday, August 6th, 2015

Make your own hologram

I seriously want one, but I'll probably cut off my finger...

0 comment posted: Sunday, August 2nd, 2015

If you crave a very long, multi volume series....

And enjoy speculative fiction mixed with revisionist history, mythology and extrasensory abilities, I strongly recommend an old series I am rereading by Julian May.

The Saga of the Pliocene Exile

(4 books) The Many Colored Land, The Golden Torc, The Nonborn King, The Adversary

The Galactic Milieu Trilogy Jack the Bodiless, Diamond Mask, Magnificat


That is the order in which they were written. Frankly, I think you should read Intervention first, The Pliocene Exile books second, and The Galactic Milieu last.

All are available in Kindle form although some of the transliteration is just awful. I managed to find most of them online at my library and downloaded them that way.

Lots of fun and lots of twists and turns that end up in places you don't expect. And interesting speculation about the future genetic shifts in humanity.

The French Canadians among us will enjoy the allusions and the language.

3 comments posted: Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

Great Holiday Kids' books

The thing I miss the most about retirement is the opportunity to read to kids and tell stories. I do/did dramatic readings of all the books I read aloud, and the one requirement the students had of the new librarian was the she do "funny voices." I have limitations, of course and while reading the first book below, my Yiddish tended to migrate to an Irish brogue, (which I don't do well.)

Anyway, these are a few of my favorite for the December holidays. Hershel for Hanukkah, of course. There are several others of a more serious nature. If you are interested, I can get the names for you. Especially if you are a non-Jewish family interested in expanding your cultural knowledge.

The Bird in Santa's Beard is wonderfully illustrated and explains why there are SO MANY Santas all around.

And my all time favorite is about a boy named Edward, who shows up in more of David McPhail's books, who is in the first grade and JUST CANNOT master reading. His parents insist that the teacher NOT test him but be patient. Edward is worried and worries about it as he falls asleep on Christmas Eve. Well, he wakes up when he hears sounds in the house, and sees that he has JUST MISSED the jolly old man. But, to his dismay, Santa has dropped his book in Edward's living room. Edward, (no dummy after all, he does know how to count to 100 and knows the names of ALL the dinosaurs) cleverly figures out a way to signal Santa, who comes back and asks Edward to accompany him on his journey. Along the way, a magical thing happens, and is told in a way only David McPhail can tell it.

Wonderful story...

0 comment posted: Sunday, December 14th, 2014

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