D-Day #1 July 14, 2009
D-Day #2 September 9, 2022
13 years later DDay #2
It has been a long time since I last logged in. You all helped me heal last time and eventually, WH husband and I reconciled and had two additional children (total of 4).
We have been together for 23 years, married for 17 years and are parents to two teenagers and two in elementary school. We married following his second combat deployment and soon thereafter he started down the rabbit hole. Depression, addiction, anger and relational challenges took center stage. We had a two year old son and one year old daughter in 2009 when I found out he had been having sex with someone I knew while her husband was away in combat.
He projected all of his reasons onto our "failed marriage" and his narrative of our life together didn’t come close to anything I had experienced. All from the wayward playbook.
We figured out a path through with counseling and renewal and after a few years of work, we were the strongest we had ever been.
From there his untreated PTSD increasingly caused problems and we have had difficulty communicating. His depression is complex and remains untreated.
Fast forward to this past Friday night. He let me know he loves me as a friend or family member but isn’t in love with me and never will be again.
He wants a divorce but is worried about the kids so his solution is that nothing changes:
he lives in the master (I sleep in another room and have been for a few years although I’d prefer not to….he said I snore and keep him up but the kids say I don’t snore)
We still have sex
We are nice to each other (no arguing)
I continue to shop cook clean laundry (all chores)
Our money stays intertwined (I make three times what he does)
But he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore
He gave me permission to have sex with other people because I like sex so much
But he won’t have sex he just knows I can’t be alone
And he is trying to figure himself out and knows he is messed up
He said this is all about him and he doesn’t love himself so he can’t love me
But he loves the kids
I am beyond devastated
For several months he has been spending lots of overnights and late nights away "hunting" or with friends. He is always on his phone.
All the signs….even our kids have asked me if he has a girlfriend
I can’t eat or sleep and continue to cry uncontrollably when I am alone
What do I do?
16 comments posted: Tuesday, September 13th, 2022