Newest Member: KMS60087

Elbell

Hidden Camera Advice?

WH moved out 4 months ago (this is the 4th time he's been unfaithful that I know of)... I used to joke that he has a "6th sense" because he detects dishonesty quickly and was known at his former retail job as the guy who quickly picked up on thieves... I now realize it's more of a "takes one to know one" kind of thing vs. a gift. wink Anyway, recently a friend suggested that he might have set up hidden cameras or tracking devices. I've searched my car pretty thoroughly inside and out (although I'm not entirely sure what I'd be looking for!) and I've disabled my dashcam for now, in case he loaded the app for it to his phone, but I'm wondering if there are ways to be sure nothing has been planted in my car or my house? I don't have anything to hide particularly, but I want my privacy, and I just don't think this way... I'd appreciate advice!

5 comments posted: Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

Is there help for serial infidelity? Asking for a friend...

When I first found out that my husband was unfaithful again, oddly enough I thought of Sandra Bullock. I don't follow celebrities at all so I looked her up - until that moment I didn't know her unfaithful ex had a serial infidelity issue and went to a rehab in AZ. I know there is "sex addiction" and I don't think that's what my WH has, it's more of a White Knight Syndrome. Does anyone know if there is help for this kind of "addiction"? I don't think it will save our marriage at this point, but it would still be worth him knowing about, because he knows he has a problem and he's following every lead he's given so far. TIA!

4 comments posted: Saturday, September 11th, 2021

Happy birthday to me! Not. WH not invited.

Today I am 51. I was up at 3:00 a.m. (the deadly hour) terrified of my future. My WH has been having an A for the last 2-3 years and when I finally caught him shopping and having ice cream with her at midnight about 1 mo. ago, he immediately moved in with her. He's a serial cheater - I know of at least 3 other infidelities and 2 of those had enormous consequences, one even lost him his 30 year career. Dude has issues. My horrifying thoughts at 3 a.m. were along the lines of how different this A is, and how it feels like an exit affair; they are living together with two good incomes, they could potentially spend a lot to sue me for custody of our kids and continue to play house with my kids being their "score"... that's prettymuch the Big Fear. I've never been one to care much about my money situation and I'm frugal, but I'm sick to my stomach thinking of losing my children.

But by the grace of God my adult daughter and her husband (and my adorable grandbabies) live in an apartment attached to our house, and this morning we had a great talk about the reality of how much this birthday sucks and they expressed tremendous support. That will go down as the best birthday gift under the circumstances - the transparency we all have (me and my 2 adult children and 2 minor children) and the continual confirmation that - NO - this is not my fault and it's not ok.

Yesterday when WH came to get the kids to spend the night, I told him why I don't want him coming over to celebrate my birthday. I told him I'm heartbroken and that having him here acting like we are family makes it that much harder when the reality is that he goes "home" to her. He said, (try not to hurl a little in your mouth), "if you could only know how benign this relationship is!" (Meaning, they are obviously just friends, no sex). I totally ignored the indication that their relationship is not sexual because it doesn't matter and I said, "THERE IS NOTHING BENIGN ABOUT LEAVING YOUR FAMILY". His response was a slow head-shake back and forth, almost as if to say "you don't get it". Then I said, "There is nothing about this that is ok." More slow head shake. Then I gave up, there is no reasoning with an alcoholic in their cups, and there is no reasoning with someone addicted to infidelity on his high either.

5 comments posted: Monday, September 6th, 2021

WH wants to come over on my birthday.

He moved out about 4 weeks ago, it's all very fresh and incredibly painful. I'm in that awful place where I'm playing catch-up to an affair that appears to have been going on for 2-3 years. New information (aka gut punches) almost daily, some from him but a lot from people who have been witnesses. And at first I didn't realize he'd moved in WITH HER. He swears up and down and sideways that he moved out because WE have marital issues, she's just a friend who had a basement space. [Cue eyerolls]. He wants to come over and celebrate my birthday and I asked him why. He said, "I still love you and that will never change". Ok, so he's moved on and I should be ok with the leftover scraps of "love" he still has left, lucky me? Any further backbone you guys can provide will be welcome.

21 comments posted: Thursday, September 2nd, 2021

WS wanting me to meet AP(s)?

My husband seems to be a serial cheater (more on that in a different post) and at least twice he has tried to introduce me to his AP. In the first case they had been sleeping together for awhile before he tried to introduce me and she felt so guilty that she pretended to be on her phone and bolted, which became a red flag. As far as this current AP, I did meet her and even talk to her, occasionally greeted her at church, but she was "prickly" at best and after awhile I didn't make many further gestures (which makes me the unfriendly one, of course). Now I just found out she's at least an EAP, so it makes sense.

Before I go on - he has moved out and I'm doing serious personal work with counselors, friends, Pastors to determine whether there is anything left to reconcile at this point. I'm hoping to get to a place where this is not excruciating so I can see more clearly - this is infidelity #4 that I know of. There are tiny snippets of relief when I consider never having to go through this again, or worry about where he is, whether he's lying, etc.

My question: Is there anything in the library, or any other source that would explain why a WS would want the AP to meet the wife? I cannot find anything in any standard search. It seems like a new level of insane to me and I'm kind of interested in the psychology of it. Thank you...

13 comments posted: Thursday, August 26th, 2021

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