Newest Member: recoveringTTer

Darkness Falls

WS - remarried to BH but not in R

D-day 2010

Hugs to those of us missing our dads today

It’s my twelfth Father’s Day without my dad, but I still miss him.

To those of us missing our daddies today, hugs to us all.

10 comments posted: Monday, June 20th, 2022

Mod please

Can I please get a PM? Thanks.

1 comment posted: Sunday, March 13th, 2022

My H complained, again, that...

....we are not “in a relationship like we should be” and that that’s why our special-needs child was upset this morning.

First of all, no it’s likely not. She almost 100% certainly doesn’t know we’re not in a relationship, or even what a “relationship” IS.

I looked at him, kind of dumbfounded, and asked why I would want to be in a relationship with him when things between us are the way they are? He came back with, why do you think things are the way they are?! (meaning, because we’re not in a relationship).

The point of this story is that it looks like we’re actually going to have to have a formal discussion about all these issues. And—I’m being totally conflict-avoidant here—I don’t want to have that discussion. Having that discussion will release a whole litany of complaints about our relationship, from before our first child was born.

I feel my complaints are justified. However, I know he has justified complaints of his own about me too. The trouble is, there is no resolution to any of the complaints. He has informed me, both when we were married the first time and now this time, that he values authenticity and honesty above all. He is not interested in sex, or marriage, if I don’t authentically desire those things with him. I do not, and I would be an abject liar if I went along and said or acted as if I did just to keep the peace.

I know we should get divorced. But we are not in a financial position to do so at this time, and even contemplating ripping apart my two very young children’s two-parent home paralyzes me with fear for them and their future.

If money were no object and neither of us had to work outside the home, and straight 50/50 custody was possible, I would make the leap and do it—tomorrow—but of course that’s not reality. He works an extremely demanding schedule and rarely sees them. In less than a month, we will transition to ME working the demanding schedule and him being the primary caregiver, and then *I* will barely see them. Adding to that the work hours (nonnegotiable) and how that fits in with when daycare closes and my SN child’s therapy schedule (also nonnegotiable) and I have no idea how it would even be doable without both of us in the home.

It’s a total nightmare. I guess I’m not really looking for much advice; just venting.

38 comments posted: Friday, December 18th, 2020

I’m curious about something

Betrayed wives and wayward wives both get physically abused by their husbands. Yet I’ve never seen a BW excuse it, yet almost EVERY WW does. Why is this? It makes me sad to think a woman feels there is anything that justifies them being hit by their spouse.

Edited to clarify: I mean the WW being hit excuses it. Not that all WW think it’s OK on behalf of other WW who are victims of physical violence.

[This message edited by Darkness Falls at 6:57 PM, April 15th (Wednesday)]

55 comments posted: Wednesday, April 15th, 2020

Fyi from the crazy cat lady

I'm sitting in the recliner singing along to Brad Paisley's "I'm Still A Guy" in an exaggerated country accent and my cat came across the room and laid in my lap. Guess she's a sucker for it.

5 comments posted: Saturday, February 28th, 2015

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