Past choices haunting me
I haven’t been on here in ages and I don’t know where to turn to.
I came here in 2010 because of ex wbf, we broke up 8 years later for good. I’d been with him since high school so I tried the online dating thing since I didn’t know how else to meet people. I met my now husband that fall online but prior to talking to him, I talked to a bunch of random guys but didn’t actually meet or date any of them. I did send pics which I’m now regretting.
Yesterday, DH used my phone number to log into a messaging app (my suggestion) for work as his phone was broken and it’s similar to WhatsApp but one I’ve never used or heard of prior to DH. This is important because immediately some guy messaged thinking it was me and knew me. Apparently it was someone I talked to online on a dating app and then regular texting before I met DH because when I didn’t answer after he said who he was and we went to sleep, he sent pics of me that I must’ve sent years ago to him for whatever reason as if I would know who he was and of course this was all on husbands old phone with no service but can use wifi on certain apps. If this is confusing, I’m sorry.
So anyway, yesterday before sleep we had a heated conversation because I don’t remember this person and of note, we both were the betrayed partners in our previous relationship and my memory has been really bad since I lost my mom right after I met DH. Okay so to yesterday, I was livid he didn’t believe me that I don’t remember this person. He apologized, I said I had never cheated on him or talked to anyone since we’ve been together and I would never jeopardize what we have.
This morning I wake up and he’s immediately like "don’t talk to me you’re lying" and then shows me that this guy sent nude pics of me that I sent to them back in the day and it blows up. I don’t remember this person and I didn’t sleep around which I’ll get to.
This evening after work, we don’t talk but I went to tell him I was going to use the bath but did he want to talk about anything and he said "no, do you" and I said I just wanted this to be over.
Oh boy. So he said "who’s *different guy name*" and I didn’t know and he implied I was lying about all this because why would these guys randomly message after 5+ years of not talking to them if I didn’t sleep with them or keep talking to them, etc etc.
My therapist managed to squeeze me in today for a FaceTime session and she reiterated multiple times that what I did when I was single was okay, that people send pics (hell I sent some to DH when we were dating and engaged) and what I did then doesn’t detract from what we have now. Also his response was very strong and likely fear-based that his past was replaying today.
Okay so back to this evening. Things blow up. It boils down to I apparently am lying about not remembering these people, that I lied about not sleeping with them, and possibly that I sent DH the same pics and he thought they were just for him so possibly hurt ego too.
I can’t prove that I don’t remember someone or that I didn’t do anything wrong. Knowing I’m telling the truth is the only thing holding me together right now.
Idk what I’m hoping for by posting this. Just can’t believe this is happened.
16 comments posted: Saturday, January 13th, 2024
My dog died and I’m so devastated
This year has been one for the books. I went NC with my father on 3/14, which would’ve been my mom’s 70th birthday but also the day my 5yo dog got diagnosed with IMHA.
She was hospitalized for a blood transfusion and put on immunosuppressants. She was discharged only to eat a whole towel. Another hospitalization for towel removal surgery. Another hospitalization for when the surgical incision became infected and the internal sutures popped open.
She did well from May until October, when she ate something and became unable to eat or have a bowel movement. She was seen and diagnosed with an ileus (gut became paralyzed) and she was discharged once that was resolved. Ate something else, more nausea and vomiting. Another two hospitalizations for nausea control over 1.5 weeks.
30k we spent this year trying to care for my sweet girl.
We never could get to the bottom of what caused it, but we decided ultimately the kindest thing was to put her down. She couldn’t eat despite wanting to, which was her favorite thing to do.
I miss her so much. She was only 5. It’s not fair. She didn’t do anything wrong to deserve all this.
Her name was Olivia and we called her Olibb, big girl, sweet girl, love bug, and everything else but Olivia it seems.
I don’t know how to move forward just yet. I have my two older dogs for comfort and distraction. I’m showering them with as much love and attention as I can.
20 comments posted: Thursday, October 27th, 2022
Finally went NC with narcissist father
I FINALLY F*ING DID IT!!!
On what would’ve been my mom’s 70th birthday, I called my father and let him know that our relationship was not healthy for me, that I wouldn’t respond to any attempts to contact me, and I loved him and wished the best for him. Then I hung up. It was glorious. I cried soooooo much after. I was grieving the loss of my only living parent, the idea of the relationship I always wanted but never had with him, and I finally felt free. Fiancé held my hand through the entire thing and then held me after.
Fiancé checked the mail today and in it was a letter with my house key to return to me. It said the following:
Please find herein the house key to *my address* for
purposes of emergency/utilitarian entry.
Be advised you may discard the key we gave you for entry into *their address*. New locks were installed today.
Thank you for your attention in this matter.
*Signed by him and his gf*
Y’all. I am WHEEZING. This is the freaking funniest thing I’ve ever read. I just oh man..
His whole family backs me up on my decision. My grandma, his mom, took money from his inheritance to put aside for me in case I needed a lawyer to go against him after my mom died and she’s using that to help me pay for my wedding. I love my family so much.
6 comments posted: Friday, March 18th, 2022
iPhone not jail broken
Every iPhone keylogger or spyware app I've seen requires either the iPhone to be jail broken or for you to have access to their iCloud info. What if neither of those apply to you? Any suggestions for spyware for an unbroken iPhone whose apple iCloud id is unknown?
9 comments posted: Thursday, May 25th, 2017