It Can Happen
Hey SI!
I haven't posted much in a while, other than to provide my always witty replies to mundane stuff in Off Topic or Fun and Games. And if you don't check out Stupid Picture Friday, you are missing out. Too Trusting does an amazing job every week.
However, this is the reconciliation forum so that's what I'm here to talk about. My D-Day is in my signature block, just over 15 years ago. For those who remember me back then, I was a mess. If it wasn't for DS, the Menz of SI, and all the great support I got back then I have no idea where I would be. Finding SI was seminal in my surviving infidelity. It may of also saved my marriage as a side effect, but the sample size will be always too low to know for sure. But we are still together and flourishing.
Reconciliation takes many paths, sometimes they are U-Turns, divided highways, and at times dead end streets. Sometimes you have to back up and find another path, but there is no onus on you to continue the journey with the one that started it with you. That's on them to be a better part of the journey, not you. Took me a couple of years of therapy to really understand that but when I realized that loving myself more didn't mean loving anyone else less, I started to get better. I was pretty f'd up to say the least, did some self harm, cried for about a year, lost 75 pounds which I've since found about 30. But it was with the help of a lot of people able to heal. Now, what does that have to do with reconciliation?
Nothing, and everything. Because I was able to get to a point to reconcile, didn't mean my wife was there. She had to do her work. I think her journey was longer and more painful than mine only because I witnessed it. There was no big moment when I saw her recognize how deeply she had hurt me, but there were smaller moments over time. One of the things I did - and this is only my story so it's not a panacea - I decided that I wouldn't divorce her for one year, and I used SI as refuge for all I was going through. I don't recommend that journey, but I had ulterior motives. Our family, mainly our son. Being the child of divorced parents from infidelity? Yeah, I knew what he would go through and if there was a chance to shield him from that I would do it. But most of all I really loved my wife. Probably why it hurt so bad. So I was willing to put up for some short term real hurt for the chance it would pay off, because that's what I wanted.
Reconciliation isn't easy. And when people ask how long does it take? The rest of your life. We were probably five years out where we would go away on vacation or to an event when we didn't have to think about it. Honestly though, it never has gone away and will always be there. It was one of the most significant days of our lives as a couple, and I hate to say this, but D-Day is in our memory as strong as the day we got married. Don't have to tell you which one was my favorite. So if you are a mind to, give it time. I was always told by the wise people on this site that when the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of changing, you will change. I thought that was good advice, I just really regret sometimes my tolerance for not changing.
So here we are today, over 15 years from D-Day. We've watched our son graduate university and become a pilot in the Navy. We have two grandkids that we go watch play soccer. We've recently bought a second house that has a dock, because Sand didn't want to see a boat parked in front of our house. Getting a house with a dock was her idea. I'm pretty much retired, and get to split time between the fishing shack and our main house. And I could go on, but life has been great. Our relationship couldn't be better. Do we argue? Yep. Do I still trigger? Most days. But, I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything else. Bigger, who is a legend on this site, has a tag line that says it all. Look it up. Or, I can condense it to "Dude, if you ain't happy that's your fucking fault". (Shout out to HT, my brother). Owning your life is hard, because it's expensive. At some point you have to figure out if you want to rent or own. My experience to this point in time may not relate to anyone, but hopefully someone. Reconciliation isn't easy, it isn't hard, it's personal, but it can happen.
Best luck in your own journeys.
Tred
4 comments posted: Saturday, January 3rd, 2026
Happy New Year! Open Bar and Free Beer!
We haven't had an open bar night in F&G for while, but in the past we had some epic virtual New Year's. I remember at least one or two where we had fundraisers for SI, donating to sponsor for others upgrades or the privilege of changing someone's tag lines. I'd just like to raise a toast to many of the good people I've met on this site, both virtually and in person, and to those that I don't know but have a common bond with.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year, and that this time next year, it's better.
Cheers!
2 comments posted: Sunday, December 31st, 2023
Tequila Thread! Must Read!
Made you look 
Fun and games 
4 comments posted: Friday, March 11th, 2022
Virtual St. Patty's Day G2G
The Ghost of Woodlands Past visited me last night. It showed me that my spirit would be in a hotel north of Houston, drinking with friends, laughing until our cheek muscles hurt while my body was in drinking watching NCAA basketball at home. And I was saddened. Because Miami got upset by Loyola-Chicago (really, who the fuck are they?) and I knew that the GoWP was right. My spirit wants to be in the Woodlands, even though my body is in Virginia.
So lets do a virtual St. Patty's day G2G. Patron shots Saturday night at 7pm CST (that's about when they went down...ish). Feel free to chat, if you've been to the Woodlands G2G, chime in with "at this time 3 years ago we were in a hot tub at 3am drinking Tito's". Doesn't have to be true, just heard that one from a friend. I'll start.
My first G2G, exactly 4 years ago today, I met MOS. We were in the hotel lobby and he walked in and asked if we were the SI crowd or something like that. I assumed he was the bus driver for the party bus and said we were ready to go. My bad there. We still joke about that today. Just cracks me up. I met so many fantastic people on that trip, that it was a must on calendar ever since. It was a significant milestone in my surviving. Meeting and talking to the people who really, really, understood what SI was about is a significant milestone. I could fill pages of a thread with tales from these G2G's. And that would be just JJ stories.
Let's hear your GoWP stories. And Patron shots Saturday night at 7 Houston time.
Spelling edit...
[This message edited by Tred at 9:22 PM, March 15th (Thursday)]
45 comments posted: Thursday, March 15th, 2018
Si Nye fundraiser! See serJr in a dress!
Hey everyone!
Let's kick start 2017 for SI with a fund raiser to give back and show our love and appreciation for the wonderful people who run this site! Most of you know that SI is a 501(c)3 non-profit, so keep that in mind if you need a end of the year tax break 
Here's the deal. Monsieur SerJr has agreed to put on his finest...dress...for a reasonable fee. If we can raise $1000, we get the dress shot. $2000, he'll wear the CFM heels. I'll start with a pledge for $300. Who's with me?
Oh, by the way, we should let SerJr know about this...
275 comments posted: Saturday, December 31st, 2016
Google Voice Recordings
From Gizmodo:
Here’s a fun fact: Every time you do a voice search, Google records it. And if you’re an Android user, every time you say “Ok Google,” the company records that, too. Don’t freak out, though, because Google lets you hear (and delete) these recordings. Here’s how.
Instructions on how to listen to and delete recordings are in the entire article:
http://gizmodo.com/how-to-listen-to-and-delete-everything-youve-ever-said-1780366724
0 comment posted: Friday, June 3rd, 2016
Looks like a rush!
Never heard of SkyDive Dubai, but this is a pretty awesome of base jumpers on the Princess tower in Dubai. MoS, you with me mate?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhskvloj1gE
19 comments posted: Wednesday, April 29th, 2015
