Newest Member: Ozymandias

Flatlined123

Me: BS H: WS4 kids DD #1 7-11-08DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.Started R in 12-09"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

How did you know it was time to give up?

We’ve been married 33 years. H had an A 13 years ago. We said we were going to try and things were better. We both worked to make things better and they did get better……until now. He’s been through some health issues and I’ve been there. He’s on Wellbutrin and Zoloft. He doesn’t show much emotion. He’s also getting testosterone injections that aren’t really helping his ED. Our sex life isn't very good. I don’t feel loved. I believe he has a porn addiction that he denies is an addiction, says all guys look at pictures and videos. I’ve asked him to go to counseling together and he’s said no. My life would drastically change if we divorced. I don’t want to give up the way of life that we have but, I want to feel valued and loved and I don’t.

We have a comfortable life. Together we make enough to be comfortable financially. We have decent vehicles, own our home and some recreational items. We own nothing on any of these.

I’m asking for wisdom. How did you know it was time to throw in the towel?

17 comments posted: Saturday, July 15th, 2023

I feel like porn killed our marriage

I feel like I’ve processed the affair and can truly see H for what he is. It’s just taken me a long time😞

I feel that the root of the problem is porn. I understand that as a teenager he looked at magazines. That was a typical teen thing to do, right? The thing is that after we were married porn continued to play as big of a part in his life. I just didn’t realize it.

So while I was busy making a home for us, having a family and keeping everything comfortable, H had his porn which I feel desensitized him so he didn’t feel remorse for charging AP for years. Them his porn came to life when she finally had sex with him.

That desensitization allowed him to carry on an A and compartmentalize, putting A in one box and married life in another. Fast forward to discovery and me trying to stay for the kids and feeling ashamed for people knowing he had A, plus the fears of going it alone. Now here we are 13 years later and I basically feel dead inside. He’s killed the romantic love I felt for him with his need for porn. We don’t make love, for me it’s just a sex. He literally does not see that him having to view porn daily and thinking he’s hiding it has been a death blow to the gift of R.

So here I am trying to decide if I want to D. Do I live the rest of my life without love and just caring for him because we’ve been together for so long? Do I make a life alone? I’m 53 now. It’s more of just a comfortable coexistence for me. Financially we’re secure, even with the looming recession. I wouldn’t have that security alone.

The chances of me healing from this and starting a new life with someone at this point in my life are slim. It makes me so sad that I can finally clearly see now what has been in front of my face the whole time. H took the pure and innocent love I gave as a young girl and abused it. In one way or another, either with A or porn, he has never been faithful to me during our whole M. That’s a devastating realization. I wish I could go back in time and tell the young me to run as fast as I could and never look back.

12 comments posted: Sunday, June 26th, 2022

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