Newest Member: davids3511

Pass

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

An arsehole gets rewarded

Okay, dude, I thought my ex (The Princess) couldn't get any lower, but I have underestimated yet again.

Shortly after I left her in 2013, she fell into a relationship with a neigbour's brother (let's call him "RP" ). I know that this neighbour wouldn't have encouraged The Princess into a relationship while I was there, so I didn't bear RP any ill will - since I don't consider this cheating. He made a few idiot moves with my kids (like encouraging my 14-year-old to drive), but was kind-hearted and generous with his time and money with my boys, and they liked him.

His job was a remote oil fields thing, so he was regularly away at work, and didn't really have a place of his own. So he basically lived with her and my kids (when they weren't with me). After the sale of the marital home was done, they bought a house together and officially lived together. At this point, he put all of them on his medical benefits. When his benefits combined with hers, it made braces for my kids free, which was cool.

The last year they were together, they "broke up" about four times before it was final. He said that they could stay on his benefits until he found a new partner. I didn't know about that. That was a couple years ago. When he moved out, he had her pay him for his equity in the house - so he was obviously done with her, but was being kind.

She is now with someone else, and moving in with him in the summer.

So endeth the backstory. Now here are her crimes:

1. She didn't tell me the kids were still on RP's benefits, and started charging me for my portion of the braces for Boy2003. There was a little over a year of that. It wasn't a huge amount, but a few hundred. This makes her a thief, but I'm not going after this money because it will just invoke more lies and enrage me even more. But wait for #2.

2. RP died last month. The other day, she received a cheque in the mail for life insurance. He obviously had forgotten to remove her as the beneficiary, because he was allowing her to stay on the plan for the medical benefits. She didn't notify his family about this money.

RP's sister called The Princess the other day. His 80-year-old mother was wondering where the life insurance was to help pay for his funeral. The sister figured out what must have happened, and said she was hoping The Princess would "do the right thing" and give the money to the mother. Her jaw-dropping response:

"I really feel that RP wanted me to have this money."

However, she said that she'll pay the funeral costs. If she's willing to do this, then that must mean it's a HUGE payout. Like frigging huge. Because she doesn't like to part with money that isn't being spent on herself, the funeral costs must just be a tiny drop in the bucket.

She told Boy2000 about this the other day because she wanted to warn him. She won't be going to the celebration of life because everyone will hate her there, but she knows he'll want to go. "So if RP's sister decides to be a [c-word] to you, that's why."

So this is how she speaks about the woman who first introduced her to this nice man (and who just lost her brother before his time), but she thinks I'm a thief for going to court to get my half of the home equity from our marital home, and my half of her pension.

A truly foul woman, who is trying to teach her sons to think the way she does about people. Hopefully she'll spend some of that money on some bleach for her soul.

[This message edited by Pass at 9:42 AM, November 13th, 2019 (Wednesday)]

15 comments posted: Wednesday, November 13th, 2019

Moving in!

I already mentioned this as a response on another thread, but wanted to go into more detail here instead of thread-jacking: I remember how helpful it was to read all these New Beginnings stories when I was in the thick of the badness.

At the end of October, YL and I will have been dating for five years. We've been talking for three or four years of moving in some day - although we often would phrase it as "some day when we take that ... NEXT STEP" (usually with raised eyebrows). I wanted to move in with her almost right away, but knew that would be a bad idea because of my issues that I was still working on.

I graduated from my shrink in 2017, but wasn't ready to move in yet, and she wasn't pressuring me. I needed to know that I could take care of myself, so I wouldn't feel like I had to stay with someone who had "rescued" me. I told her at that point that whenever we take that NEXT STEP, I would need an "escape plan". The second it was out of my mouth, I realized that was poor phrasing, but in her infinitely loving way, YL just asked if I could explain what that meant. What I meant was that I didn't want to have to start from zero again if things didn't work out - even though I was sure things would work out. She understood.

Shortly after that, my boys and I moved from our tiny apartment to a rental townhouse that was much closer to YL. That has been truly lovely. I've spent this time seeing much more of YL, having more space with my boys, becoming a more confident musician, and still making enough money (in my day job, that is!) to support myself. The last time we had spoken about the NEXT STEP, I had said that she didn't have enough bedrooms for all three of us, so we would need to wait until one of my kids moved out. They're 19 and 16, so I'm in no hurry for that to happen of course. Boy2000 actually asked me one day if I was waiting for him to move out so I could move in with YL. I told him that while we couldn't move in with her with our current bodycount, that's not what I was waiting for, and he should feel no pressure.

Over the summer, on alternating weeks, neither of us had kids, so we would live together at her place. I still came home every morning for work in my home office, but we were living together otherwise, and it was frigging fantastic.

About three weeks ago, YL and I had just finished supper at her place and were relaxing at the table over wine. She mentioned that all the equipment in her exercise room doesn't get used by her kids, so that could be another bedroom. As a result, we could have a bedroom for each of our five kids (her three girls, my two boys). She asked if there were any other emotional or practical concerns stopping us from living together. I said there were not any.

So then we started talking timeframe. I have to give two months notice here, and would rather not move over xmas again, so we decided we'll make it happen at the end of January. We spent the rest of the evening walking through her house with our glasses of wine, discussing how we could reconfigure things. We woke up the next morning and didn't feel any anxiety about it - and I feel no need for an escape plan!

The other day, I made a list on my phone of basically all the furniture and fixtures at my place. I measured a few things. That night, we walked through her place again, with a tape measure and my list. Noting down the general location of each piece - and a few things that I'll get rid of.

YL is being amazing. She wants to make sure this feels like my home, but is speaking up about things that are important to her - and I'm doing the same. My kids are delighted ("You mean we'll be living somewhere with a dishwasher AND air conditioning?!?". Her girls are younger and had a full range of reactions, but are okay now: I have great relationships with all three of them, and they think my boys are cool. We even have a separate room for my office.

We've also talked about changes as far as socializing as a couple vs. socializing separately. Right now, I do that on the weeknights that she has her kids: I have a few close friends who I get together with for dinner and booze one night each per month, and then I also have one music night per week. We've agreed that I should spread those nights out a little bit throughout the month instead of clumping them all together. I don't want her daughters to think that I don't want to be around them, or that the man's job is to go out drinking while the woman takes care of the kids. She has a few friends who she meets with less frequently, but may try and fit some more outings into her life so that neither one of us becomes totally dependent on the other as a social outlet.

The only item we didn't initially agree on was which spice cupboard configuration we should use. We each think our own is superior, of course. After a fortuitous evening when she confused her chili powder container with her cayenne container, she allowed as how, mine may be better. So the courts have been saved THAT fight.

This is very good!

12 comments posted: Friday, October 18th, 2019

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