Newest Member: loyaltylost

Phoenix1

fBS - Me Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs Adult Kids Happily divorced! You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

The time has finally come!

For those that remember the whole story of the loss of my dear DS while serving in the military, you will recall me saying I was planning to have his uniforms made into quilts for each DD as a surprise. A high school girlfriend of my late brother (DS's beloved uncle) offered to make them for me (she's a gifted quilter). Because she lives thousands of miles away, it has been quite the journey to make this happen. This connection to my brother also gives an indirect connection from him to his nieces (he died three weeks before DS).

First, it took me a couple of years before I was emotionally strong enough to even look at DS's uniforms without breaking down. I finally did so.

Then, I had to get them to her (very large box). That stage involved lugging it on a plane on a trip to see my elderly father (lives in same state as quilter friend). Because one DD was meeting me at her grandpa's house on the same trip, I had to smuggle it inside, enlist my father's help, and we hid it in his bedroom covered with a blanket so DD would never see it.

Lastly, I had to give quilter and my dad each other's phone numbers so quilter could meet up with dad on her next drive through his area, which coincidentally was on her route to visit her own parents she sees a couple of times a year. That took another few months to happen.

Once quilter got the uniforms, we talked about design. I gave her complete creative freedom because she is very creative in addition to her phenomenal sewing skills. My only request was that they match in size and design.

From there, I left it alone to let her do them on her own timeframe. She was doing this on her own time out of the kindness of her heart, and I wasn't about to be pushy by asking when they would be done. I've offered to reimburse her for all expenses, but she has refused.

I should also add that she is a busy nurse and she lost a sister to cancer during all this. She lost motivation to sew in the aftermath of that loss, and it took some time before she had the desire to get back into it. I was patient and just figured it would happen when it happens, and not a moment sooner.

I was pleasantly surprised (shocked) when she contacted me about two weeks ago to tell me she was putting them in the mail to me so the girls would get them in time for Christmas. I was absolutely giddy with excitement!!

Well, they arrived. Quilter even made matching bags with "gift cards" made from uniform pockets and wrote to the girls from their brother. Quilter was concerned she overstepped with that touch and told me to remove if I thought likewise. Quite the contrary. I thought it was a magnificent touch, and told her so.

She also gave me a bit of a hard time about opening them before DD's did and not being able to wait. Nope. After all these years I was dying to see them!

I took pics, which I am sharing here. I'm blacking out names on the gift tags, for obvious reasons.

But then I had to sit on this massive secret, and it was killing me! I shared pics with my dad since he was in on it. He was delighted.

But I had a fear. My fear was that it might trigger DDs. My oldest lives not far from me and was coming over for Christmas dinner. Youngest DD lives thousands of miles away and was spending time with her BF's family. So, I haven't mailed hers yet as I wanted to make sure she was back home to receive delivery. It is going in the mail Monday.

Christmas night. DD came over with a girlfriend (currently a roommate with DD) that couldn't go see her own family due to bad roads over long distance (winter weather). DD was just expecting her usual stocking stuffer gifts, which she got. Then I went and got a large wrapped present, to which she told me I wasn't supposed to be doing that. I told her this was unexpected to me as well, but it has been a long time coming.

DD sat on the living room floor and proceeded to unwrap. She got to the bag and read the tag. Looked at me with a look of, "WTH, mom?" I told her just open it. She did and proceeded to pull it out and unfold it. She saw what it was and asked, "Is this...his...uniforms?" I told her yes, she covered her face with her hands and started to cry.

My heart broke for her and I got on the floor, hugged her while she cried, and proceeded to explain the whole story. The roommate was crying too.

She regained her composure and actually looked at the quilt to admire the craftsmanship. The backside is a warm, fuzzy "cuddle" fabric. Quilter chose it because she wanted the girls to feel like DS was hugging them every time they wrapped themselves in it. I explained that to DD and also told her it was meant to be used, not stuffed in a box as a keepsake never to see the light of day. I also explained she had to keep her mouth shut until her sister gets hers.

DD told me that I definitely got her good (as an emotional surprise)  which is hard to do, but that it was probably the last time I could pull that off. I was smiling to myself because what she doesn't know is that I am working on two matching memory scrapbooks for them with DS stuff. So I am confident I will surprise her again down the road.

Anywho, my intent wasn't to make her cry. Rather, that was my fear. But it clearly touched her deeply, hopefully in the way intended.

Here are the quilts. I flipped the one side to show the fuzzy back side. No floral top stitching. She did it more geometric to keep it more masculine since it is a gift from DS. Both are the same size and same design. Since there are two different camo uniform patterns, each quilt is based on that particular pattern. She did a wonderful job, and I told her I can never, ever thank her enough.

Sorry for the length, but this has truly been years in the making and I wanted to share!!

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:40 PM, December 26th (Saturday)]

39 comments posted: Saturday, December 26th, 2020

Creating new memories

* Posting as a member*

I've posted often over the years about how important creating new memories has been for me. This has usually involved traveling to previously tainted locations to create a new, happy memory in order to reclaim that particular trip and/or location.

However, I was recently presented with one such opportunity and I had to put my foot down with an absolute no. Allow me to explain.

My oldest DD's BFF is currently visiting from our old state. I've known her since the girls went to preschool together. As is typical, I demanded that I get to visit with her at least once while she is here. So, we planned to meet up for dinner.

To fill in more background, BFF's mother was one of Xhole's OW. They hooked up and started their sordid A while planning a joint Sweet 16 birthday pool party for the girls. I had moved to our new state (job opportunity suddenly came up), and Xhole stayed behind with the kids so they could finish the school year and DD could have her birthday party. Alas, when the cat's away, the dirty, immoral mouse will play.

Fast forward to our dinner. We started talking about both of them turning 30 next year (and how old they were making me feel), and DD had this brilliant idea to have a "do-over" of their Sweet 16 party, since the memories are tainted with the A (which they both fully know about, hence the tainted memories for them). BFF jumped on board and thought it was a great idea to reclaim the memory. I was about to jump in with encouragement, until she said it.

Keep in mind we talk very openly, and joke about everything (including the A) so this was intended purely as a joke.

BFF said that since this party would be all about a "do-over," this time instead of her mother and DD's father hooking up, it should be me and BFF's father hooking up to even the score, and she would call her dad (he's divorced, too) and get him on board!

Oh, the two of them cackled and howled at their cleverness! I told them (all part of the good humor) if they didn't stop I was going to reach over the table and swat them upside their heads.

Then I had to lay down boundaries and told them that I would do just about anything for either, but banging her father for the sake of recreating memories was not an option.

Seriously, it was funnier than hell and the three of us were dying from laughter.

But that's when I learned there were limits to what I will do to reclaim memories. Kids...

5 comments posted: Sunday, December 13th, 2020

Dipping a toe into old

Not seriously. Just to see what's out there in different platforms since I can look for free without a financial commitment (which I'm not ready to do just yet).

We've laughed over OLD stories over the years with regard to cheesy pick up lines, the infamous unbuttoned "I'm too sexy for my shirt" pics, and even cheesier usernames so I thought perhaps it's a good time for a little laughter again. And now I get to share!

In my browsing I saw several of the unbuttoned shirt pics (one headless, just the unbuttoned shirt from waste up), one pic of a guy's ass (shirtless, jeans, obviously taken in his bathroom), but the best cringeworthy laugh I had was with an online name - Cunning Linguist. OMG, I nearly died. Oh, the wit this guy must possess to come up with such an alluring name that only the most insightful of browsers could *possibly* figure out what he was referring to!! Bahahaha!

Pro tip guys and gals - don't do these things unless you want to be seen as a joke.

So, come on folks! Let's see what you've got to share!

15 comments posted: Saturday, May 2nd, 2020

A lesson in NB

~Posting as a member~

New beginnings are often filled with fears. One of the most obvious being, what if I get cheated on again? How do I trust again? The response many of us give is there are no guarantees with anything, but if you get cheated on again you can take comfort in knowing you survived before, and you have the strength to survive again.

Many of you have followed my own journey. SO and I were a more or less permanent part-time relationship. It was working, or so I thought.

Approaching our six year anniversary something felt "off." He had just lost his father so I gave him space as he seemed to be having some issues dealing with that. Specifically, he asked me how I was able to cope with so much loss and that he was genuinely in awe, given his father's passing. So I knew he was having a hard time (he lived with his father, taking care of him). But that gut feeling was there. Something else was going on.

After a few months (six, actually), I confronted him about "us." I got a lame excuse that, after SIX YEARS, he thought it would be "difficult" for us. I called bullshit.

Doing some sleuthing (since I've had lots of practice ) I was able to determine that he apparently moved on to someone else before bothering to tell me he wasn't feeling it anymore (but continuing to string me along). My gut was right.

And so, taking a cue from my own advice, I am okay. Not my first rodeo, and I'm not in the fetal position like I was after first Dday. I'm disappointed that he did that, and I can clearly envision his mental gymnastics of justification along the lines of, "Well, in my mind it was over so what I did was okay and not cheating." It would have been nice if he had let me in on that little tidbit of essential info, but whatever.

The fact remains he did it, I'm okay, and life goes on. I'm already making some future plans of knocking off a bucket list item after travel opens back up.

So, hang in there everyone! You have the strength and fortitude to survive whatever curveball your NB throws at you.

30 comments posted: Tuesday, April 21st, 2020

Liars gonna lie.....

Caught ex-fucknugget in yet another current lie, over six years after our D.

I received a phone call from the military base (the base contact regarding DS stuff) wanting to confirm address since it had been a while.

They had my correct physical address, but it was being questioned because apparently they just spoke to ex-fuckhead and he told them his physical address was the same as mine, but that he had remarried. Being the Einstein that he is, he apparently didn't think they would question why he, being remarried, had the same physical address as his ex-wife. So they called me to verify as they thought I might have moved away.

Since the person I spoke to said they had just talked to him I naturally asked exactly what he said regarding my address. His response was "Yes, that is still the family address."

I couldn't help but laugh and I explained that he is a pathological liar and this is par for the course. Of COURSE he didn't come right out and say he lived there. That would be a direct lie, and that's not how he operates. Instead he worded it in a way such that if was questioned he could respond with, "Oh, there must have been a misunderstanding. I didn't say *I* lived there." That's how he rolls...still.

The person was wondering why he would do that and I explained it was easy, really. He was avoiding child support for his baby momma in another state and he doesn't want any paper trail the state might find to track him down. The person chuckled and said, "Yeah, I'm dealing with a deadbeat in another state, too, so I understand completely."

I closed the convo with an encouragement to do a return phone call to the doucheweasle to ask for his true physical address knowing he gave false information. I'm hoping it happens so HE knows I won't allow him to drag me into his deceptive practices.

I can't (nor do I even want to try) imagine the mental gymnastics needed to keep all the lies straight in his world, but I am sure glad he is not my monkey nor my circus any longer.

So, liars are gonna lie. That's what they do!

Carry on!

15 comments posted: Tuesday, January 14th, 2020

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