Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
H's LTA lasted 6 years, his EA's lasted during most of our M, but we are both trying hard to R.
A happy ending to this saga
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here.
7 years ago, I discovered my husband of (then) 23 years had been having a 6-year-long affair. And for some time afterward, it consumed me. I couldn’t sleep or eat. And every time I looked at him, all I saw was “her”.
It didn’t help that after H broke it off with her, his AP began harassing us. She sent me very hurtful texts he had written her (and yes, I read them all), she contacted his work, our church, and many of our friends and family and told them all about their LTA. And she made it pretty clear she still loved and wanted my H. She expected him to honor the promises he made to her when they were together. And because he dropped her flat shortly after I found out, she made it her goal to make our lives miserable. And for a while there, she succeeded.
Through trickle-truth, I eventually discovered that, among other things, they had used virtually every room of our home to carry on their A. Consequently, I moved out and into a tiny apartment in an adjoining State. H followed me there and begged me to take him back and to give him another chance. After all, he had broken it off with her and was truly remorseful. I reluctantly did so, and am happy to announce that things are pretty great between us now. We sold the house they “contaminated” and started a new life in a new State.
I know that is not an option for everyone, but it worked wonders for us individually and for our marriage. I quickly became involved in our community, volunteering in various capacities that have been beyond rewarding. I’ve made incredible friends and “woke up” in many respects. So did H, who soon joined me in some of my endeavors. It has been an incredible bonding experience. Even through this nightmare of a Pandemic (we both got Covid and it landed me in the hospital), our marriage has remained strong. And our life has a renewed focus and purpose. I think it’s the fact that we spend a lot of our time together outside of ourselves that has drawn us closer together than we’ve been in a long time, if that makes any sense. What we’ve dedicated our lives to has fulfilled us in every respect.
Is our life perfect? No. We still disagree now and then. And sometimes “she” still pops into my head, causing old hurts to resurface. Sadly, I’m afraid that may continue to happen every now and then. But, in spite of that, I think it’s safe to say - we’re going to make it!!
Anyway, I hope my story encourages those of you who are just starting out on this often painful and confusing journey. There really can be a light at the end of that tunnel.
3 comments posted: Thursday, May 13th, 2021