10 Years - look how the time has flown.
Hi Everybody. I'm a Grandpa here 
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Wow, look how the years have flown.
40 Years ago the last of the A's was in full swing but would fizzle out by December that year....
50 Year school reunion coming up at the end of this year ... Wow.
10 Years have passed since I found out 
and since I joined SI a few months later 
It was slow progress at first, trying to figure things out.
Those first two years post DDay were so agonizing.
Every day was an excruciating climb up the ladder. Finding out the details, step by step.
My questions needed to be answered.
Even not getting an answer, was an answer all by itself 
.
But it had to be done.
A lot of emotions happened and a lot of talking was done. Lots of venting.
Thankfully I have NOT wasted every day of the last 10 years worrying about the A's.
There is nothing I can learn by thinking back about those days. It is PAST.
It still bothers my wife.
Out of nowhere she will ask things like 'do you still hurt?', or say things like 'I don't know what I thought I was doing' etc....
Or 'I don't know what mind tricks you used to jump through those hoops?' ie to get yourself to accept what I did?
(She felt that if I ever found out, then that would be the end of us.)
I have mastered my triggers. I have learnt to enjoy life. I have moved on.
I am exceptionally proud that nobody else (SI & the APs excluded) is aware of our struggles.
We kept it to ourselves, worked it out together and I feel we are all the better for doing that.
When not at our individual place of work, we spend a lot of time together, doing things, planning things (she plans, I do..)
She also does my bookkeeping after hours, so even more time in each other's space.
We are both planning to retire at the end of the year, and maybe get out and go see the world a little bit.
Definitely we will spend quality time with the Grandchild.
He is already 9 months old, growing so fast.
And is just starting to crawl.
3 comments posted: Tuesday, August 19th, 2025
I'm a Grandpa
From the minute he was born, our middle child was SO different from the other two boys.
The last AP supposedly had a vasectomy.
After DDay a lot of things came together in my head. I suspect the vasectomy thing was just a story to get the girls....
At that sage I was not aware of the A's, so I did not think OC.
But I should have.
The difference between the boys in their hair and skin colour, temperament, school achievements, sport etc was quite obvious.
I was lucky that I had too many other things to focus on.
At the time I was 30 years old, I had just started a new job (and was out of my depth). We bought an old house that needed major repair work. The three boys were under 6 years old and needed a lot of attention.
Maybe my subconscious knew a thing or two about helping me get through life?
Growing up, he has been a special child with such a great disposition, he is always everybody's friend.
The two of us landed up spending a lot of time together.
We even had a special song that I would sing to him when he was younger - to this day it is still our song.
He is also the only one to have worked with me for a while.
And now he and his wife have just had a baby together.
At 67, I have finally become a Grandfather, of a beautiful grandson - my pride and joy.
He looks just like his father, but......
I'm a Grandpa!!!!!!!! 
14 comments posted: Monday, November 18th, 2024
My life after DDay
Here I am, soon to be 67. We met 48 years ago - she is my one and only.
It has been 40 years since the last A but crucially coming up to 9 years since DDay.
My spouse had to live with regrets for her choices most of her adult life.
It must still have bothered her, because more than 30 years after the last A, there was her 'slip of the tongue' that finally got me thinking and I managed to coax the truth out of her.
30 years of regrets, of being angry at nobody else but yourself 
I do feel for her, the pain she must have put herself through.
I am so grateful that she turned her life around and became the best possible version of herself after the last A.
I AM SO PROUD OF HER.
I have been lucky.
I have no such regrets with my life. I feel I have done the best I could for my family.
I came out OK.
I can honestly say that in my life I have learnt a lot and have had a great amount of fun along the way.
I am seriously looking forward to our grandchild's arrival in November. The OC, so my name, but not my DNA.
Does it matter? It has not bothered me yet.
You are not supposed to have a favorite, but out of the 3 boys, he is closest to being that one (maybe because he is so different?).
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like an idiot, but I have figured out that after each A there was something new and exciting that was introduced in the bedroom 
Pity it happened that way, but what the hell, this is life and now its 30 years later!!!!
I am still planning on retiring sometime in the future. A couple of things may bring that date closer, just heard again today of another contemporary that passed away...but I work for myself and this is what I enjoy doing .
More serious and more sad than all the A's put together, is that I am suddenly under care for a CHF condition. Not much that can be done there tho.
I hope that I still get to post in the future....
To those of you that have accompanied me along this path, may I say thank you and ...
Sayonara !!
4 comments posted: Monday, September 9th, 2024
Where I Am ... Today
Hi My Fellow SIer's
Where is I Am.. today?
Since coming here, I have grown, emotionally.
I am in much better control of myself, my thoughts, my reactions & my feelings.
I also love my spouse, my marriage and my adult children. All of them.
And I am loved by them in return.
I love my life.
When I look back at some of my posts, I cringe.
I was like an out-of-control gun shooting off anger bullets in all directions.
I survived:
There have been so many times that I felt I was on a boat, sinking slowly, painfully.
I survived a toxic business relationship for one.
Most of all I survived the toxicity of her A's and the effect on our relationship at the time.
Retirement:
My planning was to retire last year, but then some things happened to me.
Firstly, D Day. The revelations that day through me off course for quite a bit.
The economy tanked. I will just have to carry on working a bit longer.
And out of the blue I needed to have a pacemaker fitted 
!!
(Maybe caused by the stress from all the above )
My youngest had a series of minor strokes and lost the ability to speak and movement on his right hand side.
After six months of intensive therapy, he is making a great comeback.
Although not perfect, he can now walk, talk, is allowed to drive again and works a few hours a week.
Still can't pick up a beer with the right hand yet
The World stands still for you - for just a moment - when these things happen to you.
It allows you time to reflect on what is important to you.
Triggers:
The more I make a conscious effort to avoid triggers, the more they rear up in my face - strange how that works...
So now my motto is 'that is life, you can't avoid it, just don't let it get to you!!!'
Her:
I don't blame her for the choices she made. That's on her.
Even now, decades later, she will trigger.
Out of nowhere the other day she said 'I can't even remember their faces, what they looked like'.
She worries more about the A's than I do.
Since D day she has been more vocal in reflecting her sadness at the things she did.
Me:
We don't talk about any of the A's. Or at least I don't bring it up.
Like water under the bridge, it is long gone.
Etched in the past, cannot be changed. Dead.
From reading on SI I have managed to get to grips with most of it, or at least as much as I can stomach.
I never knew about the A's:
Honestly. I was floating in never, never land. Head over heals in love. 'It could never happen to US'.
But it did.
Even when I was asked about things, I just made excuses for her, to myself, to our friends, to her family. (Was I complicit?)
Blindsided:
How could I not have seen what was happening in front of me?
I struggle NOT to blame myself for being such an idiot at the time.
Yet, when I look back in hindsight, everything is all so obvious.
We all know why, I was young & blinded by love...
Judging by the big bunch of flowers I took to her office the other day, I probably still am.
A Big Thank You to ALL the SIer's that have helped me along the way.
I would not have made it without you.
3 comments posted: Monday, June 5th, 2023
