"and so together, they built the life they love."
About to have a bon fire
I’ve been at peace for awhile now. After a roller coaster of ups and downs- some his fault, some mine, some outside of our control-we are finally, truly on the other side.
When I told him I wanted to burn “the file”, he was so giddy and happy, you couldn’t possibly wipe that smile off his face! I will have that moment forever.
He drives me insane, sure. (As I him!) but I do love this man, and he loves me. I think we have earned this moment.
Anyway, I should go. He may try to light this thing without me. I’m pretty sure he yelled, “no takesie backsies”
5 comments posted: Tuesday, October 13th, 2020
adhd and rsd and posting
Hi All! Keep up the good work and digging and self growth!
I wanted to come back here and share what I learned about myself, for those of you who may be in the same boat.
Often, if i posted a topic or idea and it wasn't liked or accepted (especially when i truly was acting wayward!), I would get totally defensive.
Crazy reaction, right?
Often I could later calm down and then think through things in a more logical way, and that opened up the door to people thinking that I had bipolar, bpd, all kinds of diagnosis. (Diagnoses?)
However, I DO have ADHD, and a lot of great stuff comes from that, but there are also some great difficulties as well, one of them being Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, which is an extreme reaction to feeling rejected. Imagine that, someone who was cheated on (Hi) feeling rejected, and then in the rest of life, always feeling rejected too. Fun stuff right there.
Then if you are a wayward (hi again), and trying, but not quite getting it yet, you are attacked - or so it feels. Ok some posters can be mean, but many people are just trying to help.
ANYWAY, IF you have ADHD, check out what RSD is and looks like. Medicine does calm me down, but knowing that this is more of a me perceiving things incorrectly thing, rather than a true life rejection event, has helped my self esteem. It's hard, but worth looking into.
Lots of love to all here!
7 comments posted: Thursday, September 3rd, 2020