Me: BW 35 now 41
Him: WH 37 now 43

Lots of little DDays and TT
biggest DDay 4/24/15
New DDay 6/23/2021

So Many Years Later

I haven’t been on here for a long time, but I have this new numbness and doneness that’s come over me years later.

tbh with myself the betrayal was always an underlying current, a red flag I ignored in favor of the feelings that came from the love bombing because, dang that feels so good.

We are a decade post most major affair and 5 years post the 2nd major affair and while I do believe the infidelity had stopped, now I’m in a state of "I went through all of that trauma for this?"

Sex has dwindled to a quarterly event. Kisses and deep hugs are rare, I’ve stopped asking for my needs in these regards to be met over and over, so it just all stopped.

I had a breakdown, clinical burnout, that had me unemployed by choice for 6 months. I returned to work one year ago, to a supportive job. The whole time I was careening toward burnout, I couldn’t help but realize, I was susceptible to the toxic work environment because my self esteem is absolutely trashed.

I ran myself ragged making sure his environment was as good as it could be, became severely codependent, and in reality, he barely asked me to stay.

I asked for what I needed, I was clear. I wanted a new proposal, I wanted a recommitment with new vows. I asked for less mental load (with specific examples), and I absolutely begged to feel wanted.

I hit perimenopause, I was diagnosed with ADHD, I’m just so tired and for what? This? I don’t like this, this isn’t the life I want and I’ll be damned if this bare minimum relationship was worth the trauma.

I’m just frozen, I almost want him to cheat now to make the decision easy.

4 comments posted: Thursday, April 16th, 2026

Ubunto/linux keylogger

Does anyone know of a discreat keylogger that can be installed on a machine that runs ubunto? It would need to leave very little trace. As anyone familiar with this can assume he knows his computers pretty well.

0 comment posted: Monday, August 31st, 2015

Facebook search

I saw somewhere else that there was a way to see everyone that someone has searched for on Facebook. Does anyone know about how to do this?

3 comments posted: Tuesday, August 25th, 2015