Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

How to navigate new weekends

My WS and I were “best friends” and we did everything together. We have all of the same interests and we really enjoyed each other’s company. It is really what kept me hanging around trying. I ended things Tuesday and I am trying to prepare for the weekends because I know they will be so hard. I have friends and I love them and they are there for me. But they are married and busy. The stuff that I will miss is outdoor activities together, trying new restaurants together (we are both vegan so not everyone is excited to try my places lol), stuff like that. What were some good things you did to build up new routines on the weekends?

I am going to run with a friend on Saturday morning and walk with a friend Sunday morning. I found a women’s hiking group on MeetUp that seems active in my area – I will probably wait a little bit to join them.

Just wondering if anyone has any ideas or if you got new hobbies or interests after splitting up. Did anyone try MeetUp groups and if so did you feel you met people you liked & formed friendships with? WS and I did hiking trips together and I would be so sad to not do that anymore. None of my friends are in to hiking so fingers crossed that this women’s hiking group is a good fit for me.

I am not terrified of being alone. I am ok with being single and healing and all of that. I just want to rebuild a little. I don't want to just do all the things we did together - now alone - and just be a sad person. I want to find new ways to do the things I love or find some new things.

21 comments posted: Thursday, July 8th, 2021

Why did you tell others?

I am curious to hear from people who have told their family and/or friends about their WS's infidelity.

Basically I am wondering what was your reason for telling?

This is something coming up for me right now. I have told 3 friends and my sister about my WH's cheating. No one else. He has told his sister and a couple of close guy friends.

At first I thought I wouldn't tell anyone else unless we didn't work things out. R is going well at this moment but I know we aren't far along yet.

I haven't told the rest of my family (basically my parents and grandmother) or my kids (they are 17 and 19 and not his kids). He hasn't told his kids (they are in their very early 20s and do not live in the same state as us.

I don't want to tell my kids unless we are not able to reconcile. At that point I would tell them as a cautionary tale of what happens if you cheat. I don't really want him to tell his kids, either.

My mother is a fWW and it caused so much FOO issues for me.

A part of me kind of wants to tell my parents and grandmother but I am not sure why I want to tell them. My parents aren't people that are good in a crisis. My mother doesn't give me motherly advice, she never has. She is more like a needy girlfriend to me and my sister. I have the support of my friends, my sister and IC.

I don't feel any need to tell any other friends. I have told those that I am close with that are really supportive and I feel it was the right call to make, they have been supportive and loving.

I think that maybe one reason for telling them would be because I want to make sure I am not making this easy on WH. He is doing what he needs to right now. He told me he supports whatever I choose to do, said he would go to them and tell them if I wanted him to. I don't think I want him to go to them, I think I would talk to them.

But they likely won't make me feel any better. My grandmother is 78 and will be very sad to hear about this. She actually would be the most supportive of the 3 of them. I believe my grandfather was also a fWH. But I also think she would be heartbroken for me. And she really loves WH.

Sorry if this is disjointed. Trying to think this through and can't quite put my finger on why or why not to tell.

I think it is mostly not wanting it to be easy on him but I don't feel at peace with that. Because it isn't easy on him, I am making requirements for R that he is working on. We aren't legally married so he would technically be WSO not WH. And we don't have kids together. So in a lot of ways I feel he has chosen to R for the right reasons, not because it is easier.

What say you, Reconcilers? Wait a little while and see what I feel later?

[This message edited by stubbornft at 2:56 PM, June 9th (Wednesday)]

27 comments posted: Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

keylogger for iPhone 5?

I think he has a 5! I can see his disgusting YouTube viewing history, but his YouTube search history is always just the G rated stuff he watches. Could he be using private browsing on his phone? He watches all of the YouTube stuff on his phone. And I can see his Google history and activity and the nasty videos are not showing up under the browser history.

Is there a good keylogger for iPhones? He is NOT tech savvy at all. And I can get to his phone when he is sleeping.

1 comment posted: Friday, May 20th, 2016