Newest Member: Harry523234

Trapped74

Many DDays. Me (BW) 49 Him (WH) 52 Happily detached and compartmentalized.

Informal Poll! How many DDays did you have?

Hey SIers! This is primarily for BSes, as I'm not sure WSes could/should accurately rate whether or not "new hurts" equal a new DDay, but feel free to leave your numbers/experiences anyway. I'd like to know the following stats:

BS/WS/MH

Reconciled (R), Limbo(L), Separated (S), or Divorced (D)

EA (E), PA (P), Both (B)

How many DDays?*

Estimated time (in months) between the first DDay, and when the BS either GTFO or finally felt "safe" in the marriage again.

*For the purposes of this poll, a DDay is defined as:

- the initial discovery of an EA - inappropriate s/texting/messaging/phone calls/meetups/gifts/pics that were hidden or misrepresented

- the initial discovery of a PA - inappropriate touching of any sort

- the discovery of the continuance of either of the above after the initial discovery after WS promised NC.

- the breaking of NC in ANY way

- the discovery of a new AP (either EA or PA) after the initial discovery

- after the initial disclosure, discovering there were more partners than the acknowledged AP(s)

- after the initial disclosure, discovering an EA was actually a PA

- after the initial disclosure, discovering "once or twice, and I didn't like it" was actually 3x a week for a year. Oh, and totally did butt sex even though never with BS.

- after being assured of a "truth" during the initial discovery, finding out it was a lie (IE "I didn't love her, I just used that to get sex," becomes, during a nasty argument "I LOVED HER! I REALLY LOVED HER!" Or "I just had this one fling over the last 2 months" becomes "I also fucked her at our reception 20 years ago." You get the drift. ;-) )

Basically, anything that, to the BS feels like their whole world dropped out from under them AGAIN, just as they may have been beginning to feel safe-ish again and set the recovery start date back to zero.

I have hypotheses, and would like to know how far off I am from the actual numbers.

Thanks in advance - I'm a data monkey so I'm looking forward to this sample!

33 comments posted: Thursday, August 24th, 2023

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