Question about money
What are your thoughts on money in a marriage? Do you think it’s reasonable for a spouse to have a small pool of their own money that they can do with as they see fit? (within reason).
For context, I have a lifelong friend whose car just died and doesn’t have a lot of money. I on the other hand make very good money. I was thinking of gifting them a couple of grand to help.
The huge fly in the ointment is my wife would almost certainly say no. We each have our own separate bank accounts but the lions share of my paycheck goes into a joint account. Her paycheck goes into her own account.
While I would never give my friend the money on the sly, am I out of bounds to consider that some of the money is mine? I think this issue is a non starter as I wouldn’t do it if my wife was really opposed to it. I’m just curious as to what others think about the subject.
13 comments posted: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022
Movies or shows depicting infidelity
I’ve seen other threads asking this question but cannot locate them.
Are there any movies or shows that accurately depict infidelity and it’s impact? So many shows seem to have it and most treat it as if it’s no big deal.
14 comments posted: Thursday, September 22nd, 2022
I’ve been at my place of employment for over 25 years and have every intention that it will be my last. I’ve been in my current job for about 12 of those years. It pays very well and I’m quite proficient at what I do. It does still bring me some satisfaction which is a blessing.
But I’ve found over the past few years that I’ve become quite tired of the bullshit. Not with the organization or my manager but with the grind itself. I’ve become more apathetic about things while at the same time becoming more irritated by the nonsense.
I only have 5-6 more years (hopefully) until I retire so changing jobs at this point isn’t really an option. If anyone has gone through something similar, can you recommend some decent coping strategies?
2 comments posted: Friday, August 26th, 2022
Was wondering if anyone has PP? If so, is it worth it?
8 comments posted: Tuesday, August 16th, 2022
This question is really for WS but BS can chime in if they want.
After having had many hours to reflect, I started to think about the one person outside of my family who was impacted by my A. I had never met my AP’s husband and only saw a few photos of him on FB. Of course I had an impression of him thoughtfully provided by my AP. She painted him as a drunk, weak, spineless loser and I never really thought to question that.
Now all these years later, I question if that was even close to being accurate. Here was a guy who worked at a decent job and provided for his family. He was a volunteer firefighter which IMO says good things about him.
To say that I feel awful for having an A with his wife would be an understatement. When AP and I first reconnected, she was in the process of D him. So while I didn’t precipitate that, I could have been in the way of them reconnecting. Front what AP told me when the D was final, he lost his shirt in the D and had to move back in with his mom.
Have any of you ever stopped to think about the others (aside from spouse/children) impacted by your A?
10 comments posted: Saturday, August 6th, 2022
To those of us missing our dads (in another way)
I saw a thread with a similar title, although with a different intent, and felt I needed to pose this to the community.
For all intents and purposes, I didn’t have a dad growing up. My bio dad disappeared when I was young and my step dad was an abusive asshole. As a result, I find Father’s dad from a child’s perspective, very painful. Perhaps I’m stuck in a Hallmark way of thinking, but the absence of a dad has left a hole in my heart.
If anyone is in a similar situation or can relate in some way, did you ever figure out a way to come to terms with it?
4 comments posted: Monday, June 20th, 2022
At what point do you walk away
Concerning friendships, at what point do you decide to walk away from a friendship? I’m not referring to the toxic variety but how do you determine that a friendship has run its course?
I’m trying to gauge whether I’m being too sensitive or if it’s time to call it a day.
9 comments posted: Thursday, June 2nd, 2022
I’ve seen this term bandied about on SI quite a bit. There doesn’t seem to be a consensus on what "The Fog" actually is.
I’m wondering if others could share what they think "The Fog" actually is.
27 comments posted: Thursday, April 21st, 2022
Has anyone heard from her? She hasn’t been on in quite some time and I just hope she is ok.
3 comments posted: Thursday, February 17th, 2022
What’s your criteria
Just curious to hear others on the subject of FB friends.
What’s your criteria on who stays and who goes from your list? I’m more interested about the friends who were really close to you at one time but now no longer really "speak". There’s a couple of folks on my friends list who I’m thinking of unfriending. There was one in particular who I was really tight with when we were younger but have grown apart. In fact I haven’t physically seen or spoken to him in 10 years although I will get a random post from him once in a blue moon.
I suppose I already know the answer but for some reason I feel it would be disloyal. Dumb I know but that’s where I’m at.
3 comments posted: Thursday, January 27th, 2022
1 comment posted: Thursday, December 30th, 2021
My wife and I are talking about renewing our vows. I’m wondering, does the ceremony need to coincide with the original wedding date or can it be any time you choose?
11 comments posted: Thursday, October 21st, 2021
1 comment posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021
Ever run into the AP?
I had something happen to me recently and was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience and what their reaction was.
I was on Facebook recently and this guy pops up as a friend suggestion. He has a name very similar to a celebrity so I start browsing this thread. I don’t know the guy, never met or spoken to him in my life and we have no mutual friends in common. Well he posted a campfire video and I decide to watch it. At the end of this video, the camera turns left and who should be sitting next to him but my AP!
As I looked/listened and it was a very strange experience. Of course I knew who she was but it felt like I was looking at a stranger. Does that make any sense? She more or less look the same except she gained a lot of weight. But I felt absolutely nothing.
I again was left with WTF echoing in my head. I don't think I will ever figure out what made her so appealing that I would risk losing my marriage .
If something like the above happened to you, what was your reaction?
4 comments posted: Monday, June 14th, 2021
On this Thanksgiving day, I thought it appropriate to start a thread with things I’m thankful for. In no particular order:
I’m thankful for my wife, my love.
I’m thankful for my child.
I’m thankful for my family.
I’m thankful for still being employed when so many are not.
I’m thankful for a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back.
I’m thankful for my friends.
I’m thankful for the very unexpected gift one friend gave me. Totally changed a bad day to a good one.
I’m thankful to be out of infidelity.
Would love to hear what others are thankful for.
3 comments posted: Thursday, November 26th, 2020
Insight on detaching
Perhaps detaching isn’t the right word, but it’s the best I can come up with right now
One of my “whys” is my inability to accept some things for how they are. Wanting more from people when they either can’t or won’t reciprocate what I put into the relationship. As an example, my sibling is the last family member I have alive (aside from my wife and son of course). I try and maintain contact with them but there is little interest on their part. We will talk and I’ll find out about some big event in their life. I’ll ask them to keep me updated and nothing. I’ll poke them from time to time and I may get a one word response but that’s it.
To clarify, they’ve been this way most of their life. Their friends typically always came before the family. To be fair, if I was ever in dire straits, I know I could call them and they would be there. I had always hoped that the behavior would change but it doesn’t look like it ever will.
My question is, how does one accept that this is how it is and move on? I know this is how my sibling is yet it still gets me tied up in knots. Aside from the emotional turmoil it causes me, I’ll go to the extreme and completely detach from the relationship. I’ll go NC and when they finally reach out, I will be emotionally disconnected for a time. I’ll open back up and the whole cycle repeats itself.
15 comments posted: Saturday, June 13th, 2020
The empty chair
I was watching a movie the other night with my family. The story was a typical guy meets girl, they both fall for one another, they have a falling out and eventually reconcile and live happily ever after. Nothing special about this movie as I’ve seen dozens of others with the same storyline for years. Never fazed me before in any meaningful way until now.
The part that really struck a chord involved an empty chair. After the falling out, the guy returns home and is having dinner across from an empty chair. A chair that was once occupied by his SO. A chair that may very well stay empty forever. The scene was so poignant for me that it almost brought me to tears. As simple a scene as it was, it shined a light on what I risked because of my actions. The very thought of my wife’s chair being vacant forever horrifies me.
For those WS who are struggling or missing the AP, imagine what an empty chair would feel like. Try and embrace how that would feel if your BS were to never occupy that place in your life any longer. For me, it was one of the most sobering experiences I’ve had through this whole shit show.
[This message edited by ff4152 at 8:41 PM, October 14th (Wednesday)]
23 comments posted: Friday, June 1st, 2018