Newest Member: Confused10


DDay Nov '16 Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS 2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

D-day Antiversary, really?

I forgot it was my d-day antiversary. I cannot believe it.I NEVER thought I would get to the point where I actually didn't dwell on infidelity every moment of every day. It feels great to be healed.

What a journey I tell you. Five years ago today it felt like my world ended and I'd never ever be happy again. And I have lived to tell the story of recovering from such a profound trauma. There were times I knew I wouldn't stay with my WS. There were times when I absolutely wanted to get him back, to have an RA. There were times when I was so confused looking at my H and wondering who the hell he was, and therefore, questioning my own sense of self. My reality was shattered.

But in time, and with lots of therapy and especially with the help of the many great folks here, I have come out stronger and emotionally more healthy than before. I didn't get that way because of infidelity. I got that way because of decisions to move through the pain, and process the utter devastation that this betrayal brought to me.

I know how to make proper boundaries for myself now. I know how to discuss difficult subjects now. I know how to express my needs and my feelings without succumbing to the behaviors that mask the fear of vulnerability. I'm a nicer person. I'm a better colleague and leader at work. I'm a better mother. Most of all I'm more understanding and empathetic. And all of the anger and sadness has definitely morphed into something quite beautiful. It's chapter 3 for me!

I didn't think this was possible but now I know it can happen. This was the hardest work I have ever done but it is worth it.

I'm a big SI cheerleader - if it hadn't been for those that came before me who graciously provided their wisdom and experience I don't think I'd be happy on the other side of infidelity. A hearty thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to respond to my posts and to offer your best advice based on your shared experience.

So how's my M? Well we made it. My WS did the work but it took years to get there - for me as well. There is an arc to our recovery and none of it comes without pain and constant efforts to work through the issues. He is clear about what he did and the impact it had and it certainly has its tentacles. And now he can attune to me and I'm actually able to attune to him which is something I didn't want to do at all.

My hope is it only gets better from here. My experience tells me it will only get better if we are both willing to continue to work on ourselves and our relationship.

[This message edited by ISurvivedSoFar at 7:05 AM, November 25th (Thursday)]

22 comments posted: Wednesday, November 24th, 2021

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