Newest Member: SoBeyondLost17


It's not always pain shopping

Something in another post made me think to post this, and I didn't want to hijack that thread, so I started a new topic.

I've found that during my recovery journey, sometimes I need to re-examine something, a photo, something in the calendar, an email or text, a letter, etc. . . I felt shame when I read on SI that this was pain shopping, but now I realize this is not always true for me. It's such a personal thing that no one else can tell you if that's what you are actually doing.

I think sometimes the betrayed needs to re-examine something to feel safe, or because something isn't sitting right and you realize there might be something important you missed that you need to know to move on, or you have that nagging feeling that something feels like it went into the wrong memory area of your brain, and you need to get it into the right area to process it.

Always calling it pain shopping doesn't sit right with me.

16 comments posted: Thursday, April 1st, 2021

Finally! Therapists that get what a BS goes through.

I want to share a fantastic resource that I found (MOD approved!).

It's a podcast, and these 2 episodes are 2 colleagues (2 therapists who seem to really get what a BS goes through) speaking about Betrayal Trauma.

I wish I had this to listen to soon after my DDay. I learned all of this the hard way, feeling like I was going crazy. After going to 2 ICs (for me), 4 ICs (for my FWH), and 2 MCs together, we still had not heard a therapist speak this way until we heard this podcast! I wish we had therapists like this near where we live. This is the message I thought the therapists we tried should have been bringing to us.

I think this can be helpful even to those further away from DDay. My FWH and I both found it helpful (and validating what I've been saying I feel all along).

Relational and Betrayal Trauma on the Addicted Mind Podcast

Episode 21 link:

It's about 23 minutes

Episode 22 link:

The 2nd part is almost 40 minutes.

It sounds like a lot of time, but I think it's time well spent. Let me know what you think.

197 comments posted: Saturday, February 3rd, 2018

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