Me: BW, 34
Him: WH, 32
Us: Together 11 years
DS: 14, DS: 10, DS: 8, DD: 4
4/2016 & 2/14/2017 with TT until 5/2017
Sex is a chore…
Here I am, back after almost 5 years since DDay and 2-3 since last posting. Lots and lots of counseling/therapy, prayer, and tears later.
My husbands affair no longer hurts me the way it did- I don’t obsess about it daily.. I can actually go several days- maybe weeks- without even thinking about it.. until sex is involved. my attraction to him has suffered greatly. Sex is a chore, and I often try to think of someone/something else. I sometimes get visions of him with affair partners.. and even if I don’t I hate when he kisses me or is on top of me. I get so turned off. I thought maybe it was just me and my drive waning.. but I often wonder what it would be like to be with someone else.
We have 4 children and it devastates me to think of breaking their home- but it’s equally devastating to think of living the rest of my life with this man who I love and care about- but cannot be with intimately without feeling disgust or resentment.
I can say he has put in work- he is now clean and sober, has given me space to heal and grieve, and has been understanding and patient.. but it’s just not enough for me… I feel so defeated.
15 comments posted: Sunday, October 3rd, 2021