Newest Member: 30yearsofheartache


Nobody is the villain in their own story. But if a stranger read your book would they agree?

AP joined my fitness coach 🙄

I've not been here for a long time. Thankfully I've been doing really well.

I hope everyone is doing well and progressing wherever they are on their journey.

For a bit of context.

I found out 5 years ago, husband confessed when I asked.

He still worked with AP who was evasive, insulting and would attempt to get under my skin. She would post alluding things on social media. Never answer anything directly. And constantly saw herself as the victim and hated me. When I got angry at her she claimed I was taking an eye for an eye.... yes because angry emails are the same as an affair with a married man who has children.

She called police on me claiming harrasment. She turned up at my husbands gym after he moved jobs away from her ranting about me. Deranged rantings too. And the worst part that revealed she found me here, as she referenced things I'd posted here and when I posted insecurities and worries she then posted online directly about those things tapping into the pain I already had. Making me more paranoid and insecure at an already difficult time. It was a cruel game every step of the way.

So she made my marriage unsafe(obv he did too) then she made my recovery source unsafe. She made social media unsafe. There is nowhere she doesn't feel entitled to invade as you will learn.

So long and short. She's mental. She's bitter. She's nasty. (All husbands words- thanks what a fuckwit you brought into our lives)

So I decided sept 2021 to join a coach and lost alot of weight. (Post baby) I got strong and fit and loved the experience. Encouraged by my coach I'd occasionally promote or enter the challenges and tag him, bit I'd make my post public for a short time in order to participate in the challenge etc and always within the challenge timeframe return it to private again.

This coach is based in an area where I lived. We know people in common. AP lives 50 miles away and doesn't share people in the same social circle. He has a huge following where I lived. Not where she lives. She's foreign too so unlikely to know people that far away or know that social circle.

I left the coach as I felt I'd taken enough knowledge etc. But still follow him and his team online. He still posts alot of content where I'm in pictures etc. And all my progress and posts by him are still on his page. He even gave a talk at my uni/professional building. I still have good friends in his programme and know a psychologist who works with him as well. So my links are strong.

Well suddenly he posts a screen shot of client calls or messages and who's name and face pops up.

Yes AP.

Thing is he's really expanded and made it very much a "mum service and focus" as far as im aware shes still a single loser with no kids, he's also increased his price hugely. Its several hundreds of pounds per month and minimum subscription period. I was one of the originals so was on a very reduced rate in comparison. But this price and target of audience are far removed from her.

They have monthly meet ups and zoom calls weekly.

Now I absolutely do not believe she learned of this coach except from watching me. I just don't believe it would be on her radar. So 5 years later this fucking mentalist is still watching with fake accounts and still feels entitled to enter my space. What did she want? To out do me? To see me in person? To ruin something that was for me? To surprise me? Who knows?

Well the laugh is on her. I'd left so she couldn't get whatever she wanted. We aren't in competition because she will never be near my level. Her pathetic life 5 years on is exact proof of that.

She can't make me uncomfortable I'd already left and I've told the coaches who she is. They all know. They removed any personal content. Still have a few friends in the grouo. So when she shares she feels 'amazing' in a party dress, they are rolling their eyes. The psychologist said she feels uncomfortable knowing someone like that is in the group. But I said well let her use the service. Maybe she's genuine. (I'm sure she's not) she doesn't seem to engage much with the group or encourage others. Just self involved as usual. It's always about her and its always superficial about how she looks. Its all she has.

And she's paying a fortune for the experience 🤣

The idiot is still in the same job. Doing the same shit 5 years on. Only older in her thirties and achieving nothing. She got a work nomination for being good at filling a vending machine and filming herself to instruct others how to do it... I mean if someone gave me a video instruction of such a menial task I'd probably smack them. Again just self importance. No body can fill a vending machine like her 🤣

She seems to have no network or life and well unless vending machines is big bucks her job is useless and fairly worthless

In comparison I'm a medical professional. I've progressed in my profession I've entered the private sector which is much higher skill set and money. I've expanded my skills and now offer wider range of treatments etc. I'm enjoy my work.

I've had a 2nd child. And my 2 children are wonderful, funny, clever kind. So affectionate. They are my world.

I've managed to salvage a marriage. But one where I'm protected financially. There is no dispute my husband knows he's lucky to still have a foot in the door. Especially after specific events where he's betrayed my trust with phone calls or just made me see how selfish and destructive he is. Infact last weekend I told him I just don't love him like he does me. He said he knew. And he will just keep trying to win it back. He knows why and agrees it's a reasonable response of mine.

I literally have the ball in my court. And he's still trying 5 years on. Even when I'm not at times. I'm not sure he will ever win me back fully. But I'm settled and happy and have a happy stable home for my children and that in itself is a huge achievement with everything else.

And she's too busy looking at me she can't progress her life in any meaningful way. Whilst she really is insignificant and I don't give her any time anymore. Until this very deliberate invasion by her.

She used to read here. So I hope she reads I think she stands like a man in her progress pics and thanks for sharing them as it totally dispelled the image of perfection I had in my head 🤣

Moral of the story. If she will cheat with a married man for a year and a half she's probably a special head case. And 5 years on trying to get into my head and life proves that. Crazy doesn't seem to get old for her.

K you will never ruin my life or be important. You're an insignificant weird crazy nasty pos and we and others laugh at your expense regularly.

Thanks for the laughs 🤣

11 comments posted: Saturday, February 11th, 2023

First Post over here

Hi I'm really looking for some insight. I have been in active R for 4.5 and seen some real insight and progress with WH. But he has violated wayward boundaries on a couple of occasions in the last 6 months.

There was several years with nothing like this. This past 9 months or so he has suffered major trauma from his old job. And I have stood by him. But I think this is partly key for acting out and reverting to the old way. No excuse just trying to understand the situation for what it is. He did IC in the past and last violation he said he would see an ic again but didn't follow up.

Anyway this last violation was pretty major. It was a well known deal breaker. And as a result I've just shut down.

I feel numb. I feel nothing. I'm usually emotive and reactive intense I pursue resolutions and give demands and conditions although admittedly in the past couple of years I stopped that and handed it all over to him. And I've stopped accepting certain things but also stopped trying to "fix" certain things.

We were in a good place in the relationship when he decided to violate this boundary. He was acting out due to unhappiness in his new job. He stated lack of feeling in control wanting to act out wanting to cause chaos and feeling comfortable in the bad guy role as well as feeling "something" when there is a drama going on. He totally recognises all of this is unhealthy. But he hasn't seemed to break the cycle.

Anyway back to me

I'm trying to figure how I know to trust this numb done feeling. Is it my body shutting down to avoid further trauma? Or is this the end of the road no more angry no decision made emotionally its the finality of being finished?

Did you know? Did you fear you would regret s/d? Was it easy to trust yourself?

I cant picture my next move as I deep down don't want either option... but I think I am so done with the trauma and situation he keeps putting me into. I no longer am willing to enter into that cycle. I feel very differently looking at him I feel.pity. I love in a caring and pitiful way.

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 12:41 AM, June 11th (Friday)]

23 comments posted: Friday, June 11th, 2021

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