My fathers estate- just a vent really.

My father died recently. I am in my late 50s and have many siblings. My dad left my mom for an AP when I was in college. He had then been sick for a few years, and my mother and siblings managed his health care and the family business. Thats when he had the free time to take up with AP. It was painful for the entire family. I was always somewhat protected as the little sister far away in college who should be protected.

My parents' separation and divorce was terrible. My father was terrible. He felt entitled to keep any asset as his and fought brutally.

My father was off and on with the AP as a companion for years. They never married. Ap had drug and alcohol issues and died young. She had a daughter from a previous relationship a little younger than me. My father was quite close to her. I think. Although he was embarrassed of her when i met her, he later spoke highly of her and her children.

My father's death has brought up all of the old pain of my father's treatment of mother for my siblings and me.

The AP's daughter produced a hand-written will. She also showed a video of my father writing it taken on her phone. It shows his estate to be divided equally with her receiving the same share as the children and also being co-executor with one of my siblings.

For some reason i cant exactly explain, I have found the hand-written, solo, taped aspects super creepy. It is a 7 figure estate at least. My father's brother and nephew are attorneys. It's just weird.

Also, my sibling who is on several of my father's accounts and the supposed co-executor, found a hand written paper from AP's daughter saying she will relinquish any claim to the estate if she can keep a certain house. My dad apparently recently bought her a house and car.

AP's daughter has retained her own attorney trying to pressure my sibling to filing the will with the courts. In speaking with most of my siblings, we've agreed we dont care to put our life energy into fighting this. Yet we have two siblings who are disabled and/or have health issues. They need to be cared for.

My co-executor sibling has had a hard time finding an attorney. It's looking better though.

I don't know anything about law. I Googled valid will in that US state, and it says it has to be written and signed with also two valid witnesses. It's only AP's daughter as witness. Also valid witnesses have to be impartial or only entitled to what they would get if it were in testate, or whatever the term is if there were no will. She would be entitled to nothing.

Yet, I can't help feeling my father wrote that will in front of her with the full knowledge it wouldn't be valid. Yup, he's that kind of person. And there's so much pain going around for my siblings right now.

Thanks dad. Way to step up one last f$#^ing time for your family.

7 comments posted: Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022

Mod please

I have a question. Thank you.

1 comment posted: Thursday, June 30th, 2022

Dog skin problems

I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with skin issues with their dog.

Our dog is around 12 years old. She has never had any health problems of any kind. We picked her up as a puppy in another country. She was a street dog. She looks like a typical street/pariah dog: short hair, ears that stick up, curly tail. She was generally healthy, although she had gobs of tiny little ticks we had to scrape off and she pooped blood and small rocks or fish bones for a few days.

Her problems started this summer/fall. We had a bad case of fleas. We also have two cats that are around 5 years old. We had always used a Bayer topical flea medicine that worked fine. We tried including Adam's flea bath, sprays and frequently cleaning any fabrics and bedding. That didn't work. We made an appointment with the vet. They've been overbooked, and it was a few months out. The local Feed & Seed store told us to try a collar, Seresto. It worked at first, but the fleas came back. The vet eventually saw her and gave us a chewable flea treatment. I think it was longer lasting.

Around that time the dog started to get hives/welts and shed her fur. She also had recently developed pink, inflamed areas on her stomach. She doesn't seem too itchy. We took her back to the vet, who said it was a yeast infection. She gave us options, and we went with a shampoo. I was concerned that we had messed up her system with chemicals. Her skin improved. Then it became worse.

Back to the vet, who said it was fungal and gave us pills. The dog's skin improved and then became worse. I tried changing food to an expensive hypo-allergenic brand at my neighbor's suggestion. Again, the dog has never had skin issues and has always eaten a basic dog food, Beneful Healthy Weight. We thought she was drinking too much and not eating. Back to the vet who tested for diabetes and kidney issues. All the blood work was ok. We switched back to Beneful.

Her skin never fully improved and got worse again. Back to the vet again. She said she believes there is an allergy exasperating the condition. She gave the dog a shot and a prescription for prednisone and the original shampoo, chlorohexadine with miconazole. I don't know what to think. Maybe she's still working all the flea meds out of her system?

Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm starting to lose confidence in our vet.

9 comments posted: Friday, February 4th, 2022

Possible drug/alcohol addiction - family member

My nephew, who is living in one of our houses and working for my husband, has an issue with alcohol and maybe drugs.

This situation is triggering so many infidelity-related issues. I'm feeling a loss of control over my life, sad, confused, hopeless, and not even sure I know the truth about the situation. I've tried for days to make this post to ask for help, but I am struggling to express my thoughts and feelings. I'm not even certain what type of help to ask for right now.

My husband and I own a handful of houses in the area. The idea is to fully remodel them and rent them out for un-earned income. The houses and our financial portfolio will allow us to back away from our jobs.

Last fall, my husband spoke to my nephew who is in his early 20s, living at home, and working landscaping jobs to ask if he would like to come down to our area and work on the houses. He offered to let him live in one of the houses, expenses paid, and we would pay him for the work. We know this nephew well. He declined, but my other nephew who was temporarily living with my brother and SIL said that he would like to do it. We don't know this nephew, early 30s, well. His father, my other brother, divorced when his son was young. Still, we agreed.

Our nephew has been living in our house, about 5 doors down from us, for over a year. After he came, one of my brothers told me he was a good worker if you can keep him off the bottle. My SIL called and told me several things, including that my nephew drank too much when he lived with them.

Within the first month, my nephew got very drunk at our house one night. I'm talking falling down drunk where I was worried for his safety and not sure he could even walk home. My husband spoke to him after and told him that it was unacceptable. My nephew hasn't done it since. My nephew started to spend time daily with his nextdoor neighbors, often drinking at their house. They became close friends. We had lived in that house previously, and we know the nextdoor neighbors well.

On and off, the neighbor has told me she's worried about my nephew. She's mentioned drinking, but she also tells me things that seem like additional drama where she wants me to get in the middle, and I find it inappropriate. For example, she mentioned my nephew is not showering every day, and that he was doing laundry at their house because the washing machine in our house was broken. When she told me, I said my nephew is an adult in his 30s and capable of talking to us about the washing machine himself. Also, she should tell him if she didn't want him doing laundry there. She would tell me things like, "Oh. You don't even know half of what is going on there." Her drama would piss me off, and I would ignore it.

I don't fully trust my neighbor. I believe I caught her lying to me about a year ago. She told me something that my husband told her I said about her. It wasn't something I said. I repeated what she said immediately and asked her if my husband said that to her. She backed off and said, "Well, maybe something like that. I can't remember." I asked my husband who claims he didn't say it. I believe him.

In the past year, things have been going ok with my nephew and the work according to my husband. It's not always great, but it has been helpful and worth it. Again, my nephew has all expenses paid including gas for his car and a phone. He's welcome anytime for dinner or to go through our fridge and cupboards for breakfast/lunch. He gets paid cash weekly.

About a week ago, my neighbor said that my nephew wasn't welcome at their house anymore. She said he had been drinking their liquor during the day, even when they weren't home. He is working on our house next door or the one down the street. My husband isn't always there, but he has another person working on the houses too.

One of the first things my husband told my nephew when he came here is that he could not drink or smoke pot, at all, while he was working because it's too dangerous for him and everyone else around him. When my husband heard about the day drinking from my neighbor, he spoke to my nephew and told him that he knew he was drinking during the day and it was unacceptable. That was last Thursday. On Friday, the other person working on the houses for my husband told him that they need to talk. He said my nephew was drinking during the day, among other things. He gave him proof, definitively, that my nephew had been drinking that Friday, the day after my husband and nephew talked.

My husband and I decided to take the weekend to decide what to do. On Saturday, my neighbor told me that my nephew had brought home crystal meth last month when he went to visit his mother. I don't know what to believe. My neighbors clearly want my nephew gone. However, they have encouraged this whole thing up until last week. But really, that's not my problem or an area of focus for me. My neighbor also has me so confused and doubting myself. She asked if I was sure that we originally made it clear to my nephew that he weren't going to support him and give him somewhere to live forever. She said that was his expectation. Ugh. Really?

On Monday morning, my husband and I talked with my nephew. We are giving him one more chance. We bought a portable breathalyzer over the weekend and told him it was a condition of continuing to work, and that he wasn't welcome to stay if he wasn't working. We also told him there was a zero tolerance for any drugs in the house other than a small amount of marijuana for personal use. We told him previously, and again, that if anything gets around our son he is immediately gone.

I asked my husband last night how its going with our nephew. He said our nephew told him he's hurt that we would think he's a "dope fiend" or something similar. Our nephew said that he had worked hard to get off drugs years ago. Some time in the past year he had mentioned this to us. My husband told me today that my nephew is "taking the day", so not working.

I don't know what to think. Some one is lying. I feel so helpless and confused. I hate this. I know that if my nephew is an alcoholic or drug addict, this situation is incredibly enabling and bad for him. The only experience I have with a similar situation is my nephew's father, my brother. The two are so similar in personality and charm. They both know how to say what you want to hear. I enabled that situation about 20-25 years ago, and I've always regretted how I handled it.

If anyone has any advice or insight, I'd appreciate it.

24 comments posted: Thursday, November 18th, 2021

I Steal Wives - Books 1 and 2. Erlandson

I saw these books recommended somewhere and downloaded the sample content from Amazon.

I thought it was mostly trash with a few insights. They might be helpful for BH or might mislead them. Some of his broad generalizations certainly don't apply to any of my married female friends or relatives.

Anyone read these books and have an opinion?

0 comment posted: Wednesday, July 17th, 2019