Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
What did you learn from being in limbo or false R ?
I got some truths I didn't have, time to sort aspects of my life, move some of my favorite plants, let our kitty have his last days in the places he loved. It was hard for me to let go of my dream of R. I didn't have the strength to go right away so it was the long slow sadness. I saw my WS clearly, I saw our past clearly. Probably could have seen it on my own but some conversations with him helped to clarify things. Some things he finally didn't deny like before. We saw each other more clearly. I decided to stop listening to fancy words and ignore the empty gestures. There was no more power over me and he turned his attention away. I didn't feel sorrow over that loss like before just a bit of sadness over a thing that used to mean so much and I used to sacrifice for.
He's still brilliant, still clever, still witty, still gorgeous, still interesting, and we enjoy our talks. I don't hate him for the past, only disappointed it happened and couldn't be made right. He's not able to be emotionally whole and a good person for me. I care about him and so that's a sad thing to accept. I could never get to not caring even though there was a period of lethal flatness where I started to shut down. They were still actively texting then.
I don't regret trying for R. I think I would have regretted not trying. I'm glad to have offered him a chance to grow even though it was hard.
13 comments posted: Tuesday, August 30th, 2022
Places with sad memories
Do you avoid such places or do you go back again in attempt to have a better time there?
I usually avoid and maybe go back a long time later. Usually by then it's changed enough.
I went camping with sister to my favorite place. She was in bad mood the whole time. Being difficult. The last few days I spent out on trails alone. I only came back in evening to make dinner and sleep. Driving back we barely talked. Now she acts like everything's fine. I want to go back and have a good time there. Don't think I want to go camping again with her. She's better in a hotel truthfully. Too bad because otherwise we get along OK.
WS and I used to love camping. I think I just need another camping pal.
1 comment posted: Friday, April 29th, 2022