Newest Member: Definedbygrace

Hurtmyheart

I contacted one of deceased WH AP and it feels good

I told her that whenever she was ready to talk, so was I. She especially deserved to hear from me because what her presence in our life caused.


AP-
First off: My deepest condolences on the loss of your husband. I cannot imagine losing my best friend and partner.

Second of all: Anyone who accuses me of cheating on my husband who doesn’t know me at all, isn’t worth my time. This means you. You are not worth my time. DO NOT contact me again.


BS (me)-
Whatever you choose to tell me, all is good. You can take it up with God because he knows and sees everything. And if it were true that you never had a relationship with my husband, you should have come forward and told me this a long time ago when I noticed that the two of you were texting and sending pictures and videos back and forth to each other. And your texting him multiple times in a row at 1am in the morning while I was sleeping next to him. And the two of you meeting at the gym after work to work out together while I was at home taking care of the family. Just saying. There is more but this is good enough. And I also have records showing him calling you at 4am one morning at least 10 times in a row. How uncool is that for two already married people (with different partners) carrying on without good conscience like the two of you did?

Just to let you know, the department has access to all of his information and interactions on the computer and probably on the phone too. Every interaction isn't business, esp if you see a pattern of interacting back and forth in excess.

I am clean. I have been 100% faithful to my husband for the 35 years that we were together. I just didn't believe in spending my time chasing or spending time with other married men.

WH did the right thing by taking care of his family in his passing. I really do appreciate that he didn't allow anyone to sway him in that way.

I am going to leave this alone now unless you have anything else to add. I've said my peace. The ball is in your court now.

Have a good day

8 comments posted: Saturday, February 26th, 2022

Ways to cope with ptsd?

My brain doesn't feel right now that I have PTSD caused by my deceased WH emotional & psychological abuse. I really fear for my future.

Currently, the things I do now to manage the PTSD is to take an antidepressant, listen to mindfulness videos. I usually have a good workout routine. Just tried hot yoga last night. Not so sure if I like it, Lol but will keep trying different classes until I find one that I do like. I love lifting weights and cardio classes. Need to get back to that. I ride horses. Horses and dogs are very helpful. I need to get into a good therapy program again but that focuses on trauma. I know that I need to eat better but don't we all?

I am doing better in a lot of ways and also see the truth in who my WH was. No more hiding in denial. But I'm afraid the damage he caused to me is irreversible and I worry about my future and what issues may develop as a result of what he caused me.

Any advice or suggestions that could possibly help me to heal my brain damage? 💔 Or maybe ideas on ways to better cope with it? A friend seems to think it could magically go away but I seriously can't see that ever happening.

6 comments posted: Friday, November 5th, 2021

Advice Please

My WH was a cheater, up until close to his death. Closer to the time of his death, it seemed more emotional type of cheating than physical; being friendly with other women, flirting, staring at, just being rude and hurtful with other women in front of me.

I should have divorced him at a certain point when I realized who he really was but I didn't because when he told me lies, I believed him. I was also financially dependent on him throughout our marriage. So I feel like he felt entitled to do what he wanted to do.

I'm really tired of idealizing who he was, I ignored the bad and focused on the good throughout most of our marriage. Bad choice. Took its toll on me but this is how it went. I felt helpless.

I'm finally waking up and I don't have any desire to see him as the love of my life and soulmate anymore because he wasn't. If he truly was either of these, he wouldn't have done what he did.

My wonderful WH had sex with several women and at least two long term affairs during the course of our 34 years together (32 married) that I have been able to figure out so far. My brother even warned me that my WH was living a double life. I thought that my brother was referring to my WH drinking at the time. I never thought that my WH would ever cheat on me. I was wrong.

I want a happy future. I want to get rid of the mind movies and images in my mind. I feel I already gave my WH a big chunk of my life. I'm wondering how I could go about emotionally divorcing him.

I do not hate him but I also believe he doesn't deserve for me to hold him in high esteem longer than he has been allowed to be.

Do any of you who are going through the separation or divorce process have any ideas on how I can emotionally separate myself from him? Tired of these struggles and want to slowly allow these terrible memories to fade away into the past. And who knows, I'm still fairly young with life left in me... maybe I will meet another man with integrity, a faithful soul, a loving, kind heart... good things.

I am not ready for this but maybe as time goes on, I can heal and at least live a happier and brighter future, one that I deserve.

23 comments posted: Saturday, September 19th, 2020

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